Friday, July 27, 2018

Dental Health Matters

Dental Health Matters
Why Dental Health Matters
I'm pretty sure that I've talked about my anxiety issues here, but if I haven't, I have some anxiety issues. These stem a lot from my PTSD...yesterday, I realized just how bad it's affecting me.

Due to a variety of reasons, I haven't seen a dentist for any real dental care in approximately 17 years. Over the past half a dozen years, I've started losing teeth. Still, I didn't seek out a dentist.  A lot of that has to do with having zero dental insurance and knowing that I had no way to pay for any dental work. The rest has to do with my anxiety. I had to have a lot of dental work done when I was younger and most of it wasn't pleasant. I've developed a very real anxiety when it comes to dentists.

Still, 2018 is the year about being brave so after some serious anxiety attacks, I made the appointment. Yesterday afternoon, I drove the 20 minutes to their office. I fought back tears and panic the entire drive. The hygienist was nice, but before I even got to see the dentist, I was in tears. The entire thing felt completely overwhelming. When the dentist actually came in, they sat behind my head and went over the x-rays as if I wasn't there. He poked around my mouth some, gave her some notes, and then left. I think he told me to have a nice day but I don't remember. I was too wound up by that point. I know that he never introduced himself to me or anything.

The rundown? The TL;DR?

  • My insurance will only cover: routine cleanings, extractions, fillings, and partial dentures.
  • They will not cover: root canals, bridges, crowns, or deep cleanings...or even Nitrous.
I need:
  • 5-6 extractions (most of these are broken stubs of teeth)
  • 11-12 fillings
  • Debridement
  • Normal cleaning
  • Root scaling/planing (also known as deep cleaning)
  • Antibiotics to fight an infection
  • Prescription toothpaste to help try to strengthen the remaining teeth. ($22)
  • Nitrous Oxide to help calm me down. ($23/visit)

 Everything except that last one and the toothpaste will be covered by my insurance. The deep cleaning? That one will cost about $610. $610 that I really don't have but if I don't have this procedure done, my oral health will just continue to to get worse and I risk losing more teeth.

All of this is extremely stressful and when added to my anxiety, I ended up in my car afterwards having a complete breakdown. It was bad enough that the friend who called me suggested that I contact my doctor's office to see if they would prescribe me something that I can take before I have to go in for my next appointment. I don't know how many appointments this will take...I have 2 currently scheduled and that's just the start. I'm scared spitless so I guess it's just as well that the toothpaste has the added bonus of making me drool.

As for my weight, etc? Well, I got started on Monday and did well Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday and yesterday were all about anxiety and stress so I didn't do as well. I'm trying to get back on the horse today. I made a smoothie for breakfast and took my meds and then brushed my teeth with that god awful extra minty toothpaste (I hate mint toothpaste!). My water intake is slow but it's all I'm drinking and I have hopes of getting in my 64 oz before bed tonight. I even bought a scale yesterday!

The numbers?

Starting Weight: 314.4 lbs
Current Weight: 313.8 lbs
Change in Weight: -.8 lbs

It's a lot. It's overwhelming, especially when you add it to the rest of my life, but I've started the ball rolling so now I just have to keep it going.

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Changes Have to Happen

Changes Have to Happen - Welcoming Weight Loss
This sounds brave, right?
I promised all of you an update after I'd seen the doctor so I'm back! It didn't even take me two weeks! I know you're as proud of me as I am about that.

The appointment actually went really well. I intentionally set it with the nurse practitioner because she's a bit more laid back than my doctor. I guess even a couple of months ago I had my suspicions that my results this year were going to be a problem.

I went in and the first thing she touched on, of all things, was my birth control. I swear that there isn't one that doesn't have some sort of issue. After three years, I went off the depo shot because that's the limit before studies have shown bone density loss. I went onto the patch because I really do need something that's more set it and forget it. It turns out that there's a higher chance of blood clots with it so I need to watch for swelling, redness, and warmth in my legs. Really, a girl cannot win with these things.

After that, she touched on my cholesterol levels. While they've always been high, they jumped about 50 point in this past year. That's not really good. We discussed the idea of putting me on meds while I worked on the diet side, but the risk calculator didn't put me at a high enough risk that she felt it was worth it.

I talked to her about how I'd already started making small not buying chips or cookies anymore and making soda a treat and not a regular thing. She seemed impressed that I'd already started working on things. I also talked to her about how I'd lost weight in the past (Does anyone remember my Mamavation days?) and how I'd done it. We came to the conclusion that accountability seems to really work for me. She suggested getting involved in something like Diet Bet, but I don't really have the extra funds available right now. I really appreciated how she talked about how she'd done it with her sister over the winter. I never felt lectured which was such a relief.

I got through my pap smear, talked to her about how I think my allergies are affecting my one eye (and got something to try out for a couple of weeks to see if it helps), and came away with a reminder to schedule my mammogram and they're going to work on finding a surgeon that accepts my insurance (another issue for another post).

So, to recap. No leukemia. No liver failure. I'm not dying but I do have to make some diet and life changes.

The other day, I talked about some of the first steps in this process. Today, those steps seem so much more important because two people that I've known through my time in the comics industry have died in the past two days. Both of them had weight issues and while I don't know if those issues played a role in their deaths, I know that they probably didn't help.

I'm taking today to work on a meal plan for this coming week and to make a list of tools that I'm going to need to help. I know for sure that I need a new scale. My old one broke ages ago and while I have no intention of becoming obsessive about weighing in, I do need to do it about once a week to mark my progress. I'm also going to need a few things in the kitchen.

Remember how I mentioned accountability earlier? One of my friends and I have started a support group on Facebook. It's going to be a place where we can support each other, share tips, share recipes, and ask questions. It's all about working together for all of us to get healthier. If you'd like to join, you can find it at Welcoming Weight Loss. I'm also going to work on posting here more often and at the bottom of the posts, bringing back:

Previous Weight:
Current Weight:
Change in Weight:
Average Water Consumption:

It's going to take a while to build these habits, but every journey starts with a single step...or blog post.

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Health Update

Health Update - Self-Diagnosis
Self-Diagnosis Can Be Scary
I can't believe that it's been an entire month since I posted here! I have no excuses, just life. Still, for those of you who do follow along at home and for my own sanity, I wanted to post an update.

Last week, I went and had my yearly blood work done. Well, I went, they stabbed me and took 3 vials of blood and then I went and had my tattoo worked on while they worked on my blood.

Today, I saw that the lab results were up on my patient portal and being one who doesn't like to be surprised at the doctor's office, I took a look. Really, I'm not sure if this is a good habit or a bad habit. After all, with me, something is always wrong with the results. Usually, it's my cholesterol. It's something that I've had a problem with since I was in my 20s.

Today? There was a whole slew of things and, of course, I had to go look them up to see what they mean. Since I figure no one should ever freak out alone, I'm going to break them down for you and tell you the worst possible meaning...Ready?

CBC Test

Gran # - 9.4 (normal: 2.0-8.1)
Red Cell Distribution Width - 14.4 (normal:11.5-14)

White Blood Count - 13.9 (normal: 4.8-10.8)

  • Gran # stands for granulocytes. According to one website, "Granulocytosis occurs when there are too many granulocytes in the blood. It’s a condition that’s closely related to chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML) and other bone marrow disorders.

Granulocytes are white blood cells that have small granules or particles. These granules contain numerous proteins that are responsible for helping the immune system fight off viruses and bacteria. Neutrophils, eosinophils, and basophils are three types of granulocytes."

Leukemia and one marrow disorders, you say? Oh well now...that's nothing to panic over.

  • Red Cell Distribution Width ...I didn't even know that this was thing until today. Of course, research was needed and I found this gem:

"High RDW and normal MCV. This suggests a deficiency of iron, B-12, or folate. It may also indicate chronic liver disease."

Woot! Leukemia and chronic liver disease! I'm on a roll here!

  • Of course, we know that a high WBC means most likely there's an infection of some sort...I'd say that leukemia and chronic liver disease may fall under this....

In all seriousness, if I didn't know that it's most likely my Glucose levels being borderline diabetic causing not only these but my Albumin and Globulin levels to be off, I'd probably be completely panicking by now. Granted, the WBC does throw me a bit, but I suspect that it's nothing more serious than the ongoing allergy issues that I have every summer. 

So, odds are that I don't have a) liver failure b) leukemia or the popular WebMD conclusion c) cancer.

Instead, what I have is a body that is screaming out for healthier foods, more water and some exercise. On some levels, that's almost as scary to me because it seems like this huge thing...I mean, realistically, I need to lose around 150 pounds and I no desire or ability to go through surgery to do so. 

My insurance won't cover anything like a nutritionist or a gym membership. So, this is all me. I have to do this. If someone is going to save me, it has to be me. No pressure, right? Okay, only all the pressure. Yep...all the pressure and I'm feeling it tonight. 

So, what's a girl to do who is freaking out a tiny bit and working their way into a panic attack? She takes a few deep breathes and then together with all of you, she starts making a plan....

I'd already started making a few baby steps towards this.  I've stopped buying any chips or cookies. I haven't really bought any soda, either. There are all three in the house (well, maybe not on the cookies. I'm not actually sure) and I'm not just going to pitch them into the trash. I will be rationing them, however. I actually haven't had any soda in about a month. 

Does that mean I've switched to all water? No, I'm afraid that it doesn't. I've switched to pink lemonade and flavored bottled teas. Like I said, baby steps. From now on, I'm going to start filling my travel mug up with three mugs of water before I have anything else. I'm not cutting it out of my life, but I am cutting back on it. 

My kitchen is an utter tip so I need to work on getting that back into a functioning space. I've already started slowly emptying the fridge of anything that nobody is ever going to eat. This should make room for healthier choices and things that I actually want to eat. 

Meal planning is going to be a big one. I recently added a meal playing layout to my bullet journal so that will help, I think. If I can plan ahead, it will mean less frozen dinners tossed into the microwave. I really need to get away from the processed foods that have been my life since my last major bout of depression.

Bullet Journal Meal Plan Layout - Katrina Roets
My Weekly Meal Plan Layout

I think one last thing to kick this off. I already have a habit tracker in my bullet journal for each month, but I think I'm going to create a second one. It's going to be completely dedicated towards getting physically healthier. I'll move my water, no soda and no candy ones to it and also add things like : ate three meals today, tracked my calories today, etc. to it. It will make my other one smaller but that's okay. I need to have a place where this is all right in front of me.

Let's summarize my current 4 step plan towards baby stepping to being healthier:
  1. More water, less sugared drinks.
  2. Sorting out the kitchen.
  3. Meal planning.
  4. Healthy Habits tracker for my bullet journal.
That really doesn't seem like much but I also know that I can't overwhelm myself or none of those numbers above will get any better. 

Now, if you've read this far, you're a total superhero. Please feel free to reach out to me with your stories or your encouragement. I'm so thankful for every single person that takes the time to read here. 

Saturday, June 23, 2018

Bullet Journal Therapy

How Something So Simple Has Kept Me Going

Bullet Journal - Katrina Roets
My Bullet Journal
That little black book is my bullet journal. It's also been the salvation to my sanity a few times lately and I wanted to share it with all of you. For those of you who don't know what a bullet journal is, check out this link and then come on back. Don't worry, I'll wait for you.

Back? Yay! I started mine back in May. I'd heard about them but every time I saw one, it seemed so beautiful and so expensive. I saw people talking about the huge orders they'd put in, etc. I live penny to penny around here so there just wasn't the funds to invest like other people seemed to be doing. Plus, I have ocd which leads to perfectionism which leads to "omg, I'm going to mess something up and then what?!?" Somehow though, I talked myself into just going down to Walmart and picking up whatever I could find. They didn't have the fancy dotted paper notebooks so I bought an artist's sketchbook without perforated pages. It was plain so I slapped some jeweled stickers on it and ta-da! my bullet journal was born. 

My Bullet Journal Keys - Katrina Roets
My Keys
 My first big task was to create the key. I spent a lot of time fussing over this before telling myself to just put pencil (and then pen) to paper and create it. If I hated it later, I didn't have to use it.

Bullet Journal Habit Tracker & When Did I Last Pages
May Habit Tracker/When Did I Last
 Then, I decided that I didn't really want to do a monthly calendar. I use a Google calendar and I'm very much in the habit of checking and updating that. However, there are some habits that I really want to enforce, so I created a habit tracker and then on the opposite page, a page that lists things that I should be doing quarterly. When I do them, I can add in the date to help me to keep track.

Bullet Journal - Weekly Layout - 19 Before - Katrina Roets
Weekly Layout and 19 Things Before 2019

I do like the idea of a weekly layout though. It's a place that I can put all of the appointments but also add little things like...graduation stickers to celebrate my oldest's high school graduation. The 19 before 2019 is simply a list of goals that I'd like to achieve by the end of the year. I admit that it's coming along slowly and something I need to look at more often.

Bullet Journal - Weekly Layout - Katrina Roets
Another Weekly Layout
 This is another one of my weekly layouts. As you can see, there is a ton of blank space. That was bugging me but I did have fun adding stickers and even starting to doodle a little bit.

Bullet Journal - Writing Blocks - Katrina Roets
Writing Blocks
 Some of you may know that I'm a writer. I have a series that I've been working on with Nick Davis called The Tether Saga. Right now, I'm writing the last book in that series while also working on another book. I created these pages to keep track of my progress as well as any important notes that I needed to keep track of.

Bullet Journal - Habit Tracker - Katrina Roets
June Habit Tracker
 For June, I wanted to go with some kind of theme. I've seen some absolutely beautiful ones but I'm really not much of an artist. I found these ladybug stickers and decided to go with that along with a red/white/black theme. As you can see, I have some areas that I really need to work on but I'm getting better in others. I know it will take time and I'm trying to be patient with myself.

Bullet Journal - Savings Tracker - Katrina Roets
Savings Tracker
 Even though I have next to no income right now, I do have things that I really need/want to get. The one item that should be on here but isn't is new memory for my laptop so that I can keep posting and writing. That's $70. Anyway, I thought that a tracker might help keep it in front of me so that when I did have a few extra dollars (or someone donated to my Ko-Fi), I could set it aside to go towards one of these things.

Bullet Journal - Weekly Layout - Katrina Roets
Weekly Layout

See my ladybugs? I really enjoy this theme and even tried to do a bit of doodling by adding laundry to that laundry basket.

Zone Cleaning
 Some of you know that I have hoarding issues. I think I've written about it here. I decided what might help me to become less overwhelmed is to come up with a zone cleaning schedule that I could put into place once I'm done de-junking the house. This is the first two pages of it.

Bullet Journal - Zone Cleaning Layout - Katrina Roets
Zone Cleaning - Cleaning Quotes
 This is the second page along with a page of quotes. I love the fact that I did all of this by hand and even the untidiness of the quote page has started to grow on me. It was my first real challenge of just doing it without drawing it all in using a pencil first and while it's sloppy feeling, I kind of love it.

Bullet Journal - House Projects Layout - Katrina Roets
House Projects Layout
 So, to be able to get to use the zone cleaning layouts, these are the tasks that have to get finished inside of the house. As you can see, it's not a small list, but I've broken it down into what I'm hoping are manageable sections.

Bullet Journal - Outside Projects Layout - Katrina Roets
Outdoor Projects Layout
 As you can see, I have a ton of outside projects that really need to happen as well. I'm hoping to find a couple of days soon where neither of my boys have to work and the weather isn't too terrible so that we can go out and tackle that barn. It's a huge one but it will also make a huge difference.

Bullet Journal - Weekly Layout - Katrina Roets
Weekly Layout
 Just another weekly layout. I discovered that my stickers were too puffy and it was messing with the pages so I drew these ladybugs. I think they turned out okay.

Bullet Journal - Daily Routines and Social Media Tracker - Katrina Roets
Daily Routines - Social Media Tracker
 Routines can be really helpful once I get into them and stick with them. Just ask me what I'm doing on Mondays and the answer is always the same. I've gotten into that habit/routine. Now, I'm working on building up my morning and before bedtime routines to help find more stability. The other page is to track my social media goals. Connections are so important to me not just because as a writer, I need readers, but also because they remind me daily that I'm not alone in this world or on this journey.

Bullet Journal - Self Care Layout - Katrina Roets
Self-Care Ideas
 I know that we've all heard how important self-care is. I also know that when you probably need it the most is just when you can't think of a single thing. So, on a good day, I made this layout with different ideas of things that I could do. It actually came in handy today when I saw it and reminded myself that it was okay to spend some time offline and curled up with a book.

Bullet Journal - Random Acts of Kindness - Katrina Roets
45 Random Acts of Kindness
 At my son's graduation a few weeks ago, the keynote speaker talked about Return on Investment and how it's important not only to invest in ourselves, but perhaps, more importantly, in others. This really struck a chord with me because it's important to me to make this world a better place for those around me. It's part of the reason that I write about my own struggles. I want others to see that they aren't alone. These are 45 acts of kindness that I want to complete far before I turn 45.

Bullet Journal - Healthy Snacks and Movies to Watch - Katrina Roets
Healthy Snacks - Movies To Watch
 As part of my "I really need to take better care of me" thought process, I thought it'd be good to make a list of healthier snacks. Don't get me wrong, Doritos are delicious, but they probably aren't what I should be eating on a regular basis. On the other side of this, I posted a question on Facebook asking my friends to name one movie that they think I should see. Then, I put them onto the little movie tickets and as I see each one, I'm coloring it in.

Bullet Journal - Vertical Weekly Layout - Katrina Roets
Last Weekly Layout
Remember how I said that I felt like my other weekly layouts were leaving just too much blank space? This week, I've tried this layout and I like it so much better! It gives me space to create weekly goals and to jot down notes and even things that I need to pick up at the store! I think I'm going to stick to this style for a while.

Bullet Journal - Books I've Read Layout - Katrina Roets
Books I've Read
I've always been told that a good writer should read as much as they write. I probably read a good bit more than I write (I need to work on that!) but I've always been a voracious reader. This layout gives me a chance to keep track of what I've read throughout the year. I need to add another couple of books to it and then draw in some more blank ones.

That's my bullet journal so far. I know that this is one looooong post so if you made it this far, thank you! I hope that you can see the different ways that I'm using my journal to help with not just my daily life, but the bad days that sometimes come along with PTSD and Bipolar 2. I know that there will be days when I just want to give up because it feels impossible. I've had one or two of those since I started working on this and when I've flipped through this book and realized that I've done this..I doodled and spent hours with a ruler and came up with this's been a great reminder that if I can create this, maybe I can keep going and create something a little better for me and those around me. 

If you create one for yourself, please leave me a comment or track me down on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. I would love to hear about it and see pictures!

Monday, June 4, 2018

Depression is...

Depression is... - Katrina Roets - Welcoming Weight Loss
Quote Courtesty of Brainy Quote

Sometimes I like to just sit and look at random quotes and images on Google. Some little thing will blip into my brain and I'll spend a while just looking at things related. Today's thing was, "I thought I was okay..." and somehow in my flipping through, I came across the image above. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I stopped everything else that I was doing to just stare at this image.

You see, earlier today, I took a good, hard look around my house. It's a disaster. Actually, disaster might be an understatement. It looks like a good foundation for an episode of Hoarders. I wish I were joking. Part of me was shocked. I thought I had been doing okay on a brain level kind of way. Sure, emotionally, I've been off due to some life changes, but even though I knew there was a small struggle there, I thought overall I was doing okay. I mean, my bullet journal is almost current, I'm only weeks behind in reading/studying, and there's peanut butter, raspberry preserves, and bread in my kitchen. I've been eating. Oh sure, I haven't been eating well, but I've been eating. I've even drank some water!

Yeah...I thought I was okay, but I'm not. Every day that passes is a day closer to a future that I seem completely incapable of figuring out. Whenever I try, my anxiety skyrockets and I just want to sleep. Nothing is getting done because to get something done would mean that I'm actually taking steps towards that same future.

Every time I look around, I see the trash and the stuff and I know I should deal with it, but at the same time, my brain reminds me that all of those things need to be dealt with so that I can possibly move in a year's time and so it sits because I can't imagine a year from now without completely shutting down.

I tell myself that I don't advertise myself as a proofreader because of how other's have treated me. Recently, an author who I thought had hired me for a regular job told me he didn't know when I'd get the next batch of books. He had very valid reasons so I'm not upset with him, but it took the tiny future plans that I had managed to make and squashed them. Without that needed income, I'm stuck. Yet, I don't have it anywhere on my author site that I offer proofreading as a service. I don't mention it on any of my social media descriptions. Why? If I had the money, I would have to start making decisions which is something I seem incapable of.

Depression is the inability to construct a future...and that's right where I am. I'm incapable of constructing any kind of future beyond the day that I'm currently in and because I can't see a future, I've become numb to my surroundings, no matter how unhealthy they've become. I have moments of "omg, I need to do something about this" but it seems that I can only manage to survive in the hopes that someday soon, the fog will lift and maybe this time I can make things right again.

Friday, May 25, 2018

This Is Me

This is me and me is a holy mess today. My oldest son is graduating this evening and it's brought up more emotions than I know how to handle. I'm so proud of him for the work and effort he's put in to get to this point. When he received his cerebral palsy diagnosis, we were warned that he may never get higher than a certificate. He worked hard though and he did it.

Then, there are all of the negative feelings swirling around....

  • His stepmother has worked hard at leaving me out of everything major especially since he got to high school. I missed 4 years of homecoming dances and a year of prom because she wouldn't give me the details. Even his graduation...she told me when and where his open house would be. She left me out of all the planning, the making of the photo boards...everything. She sent me an invitation to my own son's open house. I only have the digital copies of his senior pictures because I stole them from the internet...
  • ...and as if that's not enough, she shows up to things like banquets and basks in the glow of the praise of how great a kid she is. She takes credit as if she's been his mother for 18 years, as if she's the one who drove 30 minutes each way each and every day to help him with homework, as if she developed serious "bleacher butt" from every sporting event over the past four years. 
  • Other parents give her that credit as both her an my ex-husband pretend as if I don't exist, which leaves me feeling like an outsider within the school community. 
  • I'm alone. I sat for 2.5 hours at honor's night. Everywhere around me, families sat cheering on their seniors. Not me. I sat there all by myself, nobody to turn to say, "Hey, look what he did! He just got a scholarship!" Nobody to snap pictures or to squeeze my hand. No family to share this with. No partner. Just me. Alone.
  • I decided to clear out my phone today so I could take video and I came across photos of the man that I desperately love but will probably never have any kind of future with and since I'm so vulnerable, it was like an arrow through the heart, taking my breath away. 
....and this is perhaps the "silliest" ....Graduation is a special event, one you don't show up to in jeans and a t-shirt and yet, the only dress clothes that I own is a black dress, that I bought for a special night out that I was to have with the above mentioned man. It's never been worn and I can't bring myself to wear it now. Yet, I know that the stepmom will show up dressed to the nines and looking amazing because she always does. She's everything that I'm not and today I'm feeling that. 

Still, I'll go and I'll clap and I'll cheer because this is my baby and I wouldn't miss it for anything. He's my miracle baby and I am so insanely proud of him. I always will be, no matter where he goes in this world.

So why this title? I'm watching The Greatest Showman and this song never fails to bring me to tears as I struggle with who I am. Somehow, today, as I struggle with all of my emotions and with knowing that somehow, perhaps despite of who I am, I have raised one amazing young man, it just seemed to fit.

Monday, April 16, 2018

Impostor Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome - Katrina Roets - Mental Health Matters
Image Courtesy of
Do you know about impostor syndrome? Impostor syndrome is a belief that you’re an inadequate and incompetent failure, even though evidence shows that you’re skilled and quite successful. It's something that every single one of us suffers from at one point or another. It's something that I'm dealing with right now when it comes to my writing.

I have a couple of friends who text me multiple times a week to ask me a question about writing, editing, or even publishing. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why they'd ask me. What do I know about it? Someone recently pointed out that I'd helped write 2 novels, wrote a filler novella length "journal" and all three of them are available in print and e-book formats on Amazon. Even then, I shrugged and said, "Yeah, well that was mostly Nick. He wrote the original books and he did all the work to get them up on Amazon."  It doesn't seem to matter that it was pointed out that I did a ton of work on the books to correct and improve things or how much time I've put in studying how to properly do these things. I just can't seem to feel like anything but a fraud when it comes to my writing and what I do/don't know. 

So, what do you do when you're struggling with this? According to The Muse, there are some steps that we can all take. I'm going to post them here, but please click the link above if you'd like more information on any of them.

  • Identify what's shaking your confidence.
  • Tell someone about it.
  • Remind yourself of your achievements.
  • Remind yourself that you didn't get to where you are on accident. 
    • I tweaked this one since for me my impostor syndrome isn't specifically related to a job.
  • Take a risk and keep going.
  • Take a look at your language and update it. 
  • Write down your story as if it's an introductory bio for someone to read.
  • Mentor someone else.
  • Know that impostor syndrome is actually a sign that you're doing something right.
What's shaking my confidence? The fact that I haven't written a single word on book 3 in about 6 weeks. That's a really long time and it's gotten to the point where I've become afraid I'll never be able to find the words again. Somehow telling all of you about this helps. I've been living under this cloud of guilt and impostor syndrome and telling you lifted some of that weight off of my shoulders. 

That's steps 1 and 2. I guess answering texts is a bit like mentoring people, right? I'm going to add another step that isn't listed above. Breathe. Don't be afraid to stop and take a few deep breathes. It's so easy to get overwhelmed. Now, I think I'll get brave and open that file....even if I don't write a single word, it's a step in the right direction...

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