Sunday, November 25, 2018

What Tristan Means To Me

What Tristan Means To Me - A Katrina Tale
Tristan
Every week I tell myself that I need to come and write and every week, it gets pushed to the side. Not today though. Today, I need to write. I need to tell you things, even if nobody is listening. I just need to.

Most of you will have no idea who the character to the left is. His name is Tristan and he's the lead character in a series of comic books that I've been blessed enough to work on over the past few years. His main job is to protect his boy from the monsters under the bed. Nobody really knows just how much being able to work on his books means to me, not even his creator, Nick Davis.

Today, while his current project is stuck in Kickstarter limbo, I need to tell that story...not because I'm hoping it will push people to go and fund it, though if it does, I will be grateful for each and every penny, but because it's time. I need to share this piece of my life with you.

You see, most would see my childhood as typical. Sure, I was raised by my grandparents, but that's not terribly unusual. It happens. From the outside, everything looked great and it was, as long as you never looked at the time that I spent with my mother.

Times at my mother's were like that book that opens, "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.". You never quite knew which one it was going to be. It could be a grand time of playing games and hanging out or it could be one of the nights when her and her friends would smoke pot and wake you up to come out and entertain them. It could be gardening in the backyard or being screamed at, cursed at, and told that she wishes you had never been born. You just never knew. The only thing I did know was that my teddy bear was always there for me. He'd soak up my tears and he never complained about how tightly I held him. Not even once. He was my stability in a very rocky world.

Fast forward a lot of years, a lot of traumas, a lot of changes, and the one thing that never changed was that some sort of teddy bear has always been there for me. It's still a constant in my life. The collection has expanded and sometimes who has caught those tears has changed, but when I'm alone, on the worst of days, there's one by my side to remind me that I'm not alone and that I'm not fighting alone.

Somehow, I found Nick in the chaos that is the internet and we became friends. I reviewed his early books for Life With Katie and then, I think, for Geek-o-Rama. Then, a few years ago, he started letting me edit/proofread on his books and it was a bit like finding home. I felt as if I fit. Nick not only let me play in his universe, but he gave me a chance when there weren't a lot of chances coming my way. I will be forever grateful for that. He believed in me when I didn't believe in myself.

He let me work on a series of books that were all about protecting children, about giving them a safe space, and about watching over them. This touched a part of me that I thought I'd buried. Now, that same series is at risk of not being funded and that's breaking my heart a bit. I've realized that I need to see this project funded not just because it's an amazing book with amazing talent, but because I need for other children to see that they aren't alone in whatever it may be that they're battling. This project is personal to me and I don't think that people realize just how much.

For two weeks, I've been on social media asking for pledges and asking for people to share it and I don't feel as if I've been all that successful. People don't see my name as the project runner and don't bother to read the page to see that I'm editing this book if it gets funded. If it doesn't, I don't get this job. I don't get to hang out with Tristan and Wilma as they fight off the no-names and children, perhaps children who really need to see this story, won't have it available to them.

This project means so much to me that I've pledged to it myself. I've pledged more than I will ever be paid for it, but that doesn't matter to me. It matters far more to me that this project get made and that this book be made. If I could, I'd back the entire thing myself and then donate the rewards to the local children's hospital that my oldest has spent time at. Heck, if people wanted to back, but didn't want the rewards, I'd have them tell Nick to have them sent to me and I would still do that. For now though, all I can do is continue sharing this project on social media and to try to keep hope alive as each day ticks by.

For those of you who have taken the time to read this, thank you for letting me share my story with you. I've found that sharing can lead to healing and each post here is a tiny step towards that.



Sunday, November 4, 2018

Still Plugging Along

Still Plugging Along

It's been about a month since I last checked in and quite a bit has happened. My youngest auditioned for and was accepted into the Kalamazoo Youth Jazz Orchestra. He's also been filling out college applications and all of the work that comes along with that. I think he still has two left although one should just be a matter of filling out an extra form and getting that submitted. As a mom, I'm proud of him for being on top of things and for being so responsible with it. As a mom, I'm also a bit sad that my baby is pretty much all grown up. So grown up that I haven't had him at my house in about three months because he no longer has a car (due to an accident) so he stays at his dad's so that he can easily get to work and school. 

The oldest has been coming out when he has a few days off in a row and I've loved having that time with him. It does my heart and soul good to spend time with him. I look at him and his brother and I often think that no matter what else I've messed up, I've done okay with helping them become good men.

As for me? I've had my ups and downs. The hardest thing has been the loss of my cat. The boys and I got Byron from a no kill shelter in New York just over 10 years ago and losing him was like losing my best friend. He let me cry all over him, hug him, pet him, cuddle him, and he loved me as much as  loved him. In his last minutes on Earth, he kept pressing his paw into the palm of my hand and looking to me for reassurance. Missing him doesn't begin to describe me this past week.

Still, life must go on and I'm up to my eyeballs in far too much. I'm trying to mentally begin to prepare for the holidays. They're going to be tough because the boys spend Thanksgiving at their dad's and both will probably be working. My oldest will have Christmas Day off because Walmart is closed but I don't know if his brother will work. It's tough when they get older and get lives of their own.  On top of that, November means KYJO rehearsals and NaNoWriMo. I'm determined to finish book 3 of The Tether Saga so that it can be published. Of course, day 4 of NaNo and I'm 3 days behind on writing! Life keeps happening!

So...there is far too much happening and I'm doing a fairly good job at keeping afloat. I guess that the most important thing is that I haven't given up. I'd love to say that things will get smoother, but for this month, at least, they won't. It's going to be a rocky road but I know that going in and I've tried to schedule out what I can and I'll try to breathe through what I can't.

Until next time...keep on plugging along! I'm right there with you.


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