Weekly Update: Tired

Holy crow, y'all. I'm tired. That's the only way to describe how I feel right now. It's the kind of tired that affects everything. I'm hyper aware of what's happening around me. I'm super duper emotional. It sucks. Oh my god, it sucks so much.

I'm actually at a NaNo write in right now, writing this. I know, it's not a novel, but it's words and words count. I needed to do this today because tomorrow I'm picking up the oldest and taking him to pretty much finish up his holiday shopping. Yeah, I know. He's like done. It's crazy. As for me, I don't even know if we'll have a Christmas at my house this year. I've had zero projects come in and that means zero income. Zero income equals zero spending money for presents.

I know that it's really about time together and all of that, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to have things for my kids. They're still teenagers, not grown ups. I don't know yet what I'll do. I keep hoping that something will come through. I'm not giving up all hope.

Did I mention I'm tired? heh...Yep, that just popped into my head again. I am worn the heck out. I'm now on day 26 of a heavy period. How heavy? A week ago I bought a package of pads that advertised it was a 3.5 month supply. I'm stopping by the store tonight to buy more. Yeah...that heavy. Gross, huh? Super gross. I love being a girl, but right now, I don't love having a uterus that's acting cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

That's another side effect of all of this. I have a constant desire to eat. That's not helpful when you need to lose weight, DHS has cut you back to $16 in grocery money each month, and you have a kid coming over that you need to feed. Yep. Yippee!

The odd thing? Even with all of this going on, I'm in good spirits for the most part. Sure, I have moments where I break down crying, but if you look at my mood journal, you'd see mostly average days. Average is good. I like average.

Somehow we'll get through this rough patch. I always do. I have zero idea how this time, but hey, that's okay...that's life, right?

Now, back to proofing my children's anthology! I'm still waiting for Nick to send me the notes to Nevermore so I'm not sure what the timeline is for that. I had kind of hoped by the end of the year, but that's looking very unlikely. If I can manage to track him down, that's something else to talk to him about. Somehow I'm suspecting it's not his top priority project. Ahh well...the life of a writer is so glamorous, eh?

Time to focus on what I can focus on and keep going.
Love you all!

Weekly Update: Looking Forward

Isn't it funny how a simple change of perspective can change something so dramatically? A week ago (well, a week ago yesterday), I sent Nick the draft of Nevermore. Ever since then I've worked at looking forward...the next project, the project after that...and not dwelling on what he was doing with the book. Yesterday, he sent me a message saying that he was halfway through and be warned, there would be notes. That icy clutch of anxiety hit me and I had to remind myself to breathe. Then, I started thinking about it.

Why was I so anxious? The book wasn't utter garbage, I knew that much. Nick loves me (as close friends do) and wasn't going to be cruel. Maybe I was looking at this the wrong way. Perhaps instead of paranoid, I needed to be excited. I know that's a huge flip, but let me explain. I could be excited because I wrote that book all by myself. It's mine and I accomplished that. I could be excited because whatever notes he leaves, I can take or leave...but more importantly, I can use them to improve the book. I don't have an official editor, but I need to look at Nick like I do my doctor...she's there to help me, not tear me down. We're a team. Nick and I are a team and a dang good one. Why be afraid of that?

Once I made that decision, I calmed back down and was able to focus on working on other things that needed doing. I'm still not caught up after a weekend of mostly being gone (NaNo Thursday, writing and concert Friday, NaNo write in Saturday, Grand Rapids Comic Con and NaNo write in Sunday), but I'm making good progress. There's always things to do though! Laundry, for example. Sheesh! At least the moving about keeps me warm during this snow/cold snap that we're having.

Let's see...other than that...I suppose things are good. I've still not had any new work come in and I'm concerned since the holidays are coming up. I don't want to cancel Christmas for my three kids. That would be a huge disappointment to all of us. Hopefully something shifts my way. I'm always hopeful.

The house has been at a bit of a standstill but I'm hoping to have more energy to tackle that soon. It's tough when my body is at day 21 of its period. I'm still cramping and feeling just run down. I can only do what I can while my body pitches a fit.

I think that's it! Nothing much has changed in the past week. I'm still fighting my way through NaNo, trying to be a good mom, and just looking forward...

Weekly Update: NaNo!

I can't believe that it's November again. A year ago, I was shivering in my car waiting for Roger to get out of sax lessons. Today I was talking to him about college and how he has a concert on Friday. (Note to self: Don't forget to get your ticket!) A lot has changed over the past year. I've changed over the past year.

NaNo has not changed over the past year. It's still 50,000 words in 30 days. What's changed for me is my focus. A week ago, my focu was to finish Nevermore, the novel that I started writing nearly two years ago. Yesterday, on day 3 of NaNo, I finished it. That's right. After nearly 2 years, I finished writing my very first novel. That's pretty huge, right?

It was a moment of excitement and the sadness as I realized that I couldn't share that with the man. It was the first thing that I wanted to do. I messaged him, but he was too busy to open messages and so, in the end, I posted it to Instagram and shared it to Facebook. Some people on Facebook liked the post which made me feel good, but really what I wanted was a celebration. I wanted people to comment acknowledging how big of a deal this was to me. Nobody really did, but maybe they don't realize just how huge this is.

But, I did it. The girl who they said would never be anything or do anything wrote a novel all by herself and damn it, I'm proud of that. I'm going to say it again... I wrote a book and damn it, I'm proud of that. I did it. Me.

Now that it's done and off to be double checked before revisions, I'm going to be working on writing some children's stories. I used to love telling the boys stories at bedtime and who knows, maybe someday they'll read these stories to my grandkids. No time soon though! We'll let others read them first.

For now though, it's time to flip the laundry and take some deep breaths because life can be overwhelming sometimes.

PS Two weeks of a period is two weeks too many...talk about overwhelming!

Feelin' Good

So, it's been a few weeks and I wanted to make sure that I stopped in and let you guys know how it was all going. It's had its ups and downs that's for sure. I just have to stop singing and dancing to this song so I can actually type it all out.  I love this song so much. The video is a bit weird though, don't you think?

Okay, it's done. Right. So the past few weeks...Well, last post I told you that I had decided to start back on my anti-depressant and that I was a bit nervous because I tend to forget if it's doing me any good once I'm on it for a bit. That's part of the reason that I want to write about it. I want to have a record that I can look back on.

I decided to start with a half dose because the last time I took a full dose (I was on the max allowed dosage) it made me feel loopy. I spent an hour one evening cutting all of my pills in half and rebottling them. That night, I took my first dose. The next day I was headachey and nauseous all day long. It was not fun, but I took another dose the following night because I figured maybe I just had to adjust to it. The following day was a Thursday. I know this because my youngest had a jazz performance at a club. I had the same headache but the queasiness was more on and off, but man, when it was on, I wanted to throw up. Ugh. That night, I didn't take any. The thought of swallowing anything was too much.

Friday I still felt crummy, but better. I decided that I'd try an every other day regimen for a while. Saturday I woke up and felt great. Go figure. So, I took another dose that night. No reason to put it off if I'm feeling okay with it. Sunday I woke up and started the first real period that I've had in over three years. Now I'm wonder if the medicine combined with hormonal crap and just made me feel dreadful. No real way to know, but I've not had that god awful reaction since.

So, since I started, I only missed that one dose and that was on purpose. I'm really starting to notice a change. I've had my down days and I've had some serious stressors, but so far I've been handling them. The past couple of days I've found myself smiling, singing, and god help the poor cats who can see me...dancing. I feel lighter. I feel more like things are going to be okay, and that they're possible.

I had about 4 nights of total insomnia, but I think that I'm slowly moving past that which is good. The past two days I haven't slept until noon or later which is a relief. Regulating sleep is a top priority because my afternoons are too busy to lose my mornings.

In a bit of other news, I'm thrilled to say that #Fridgepocalypse is over now. Our brand new refrigerator was delivered this afternoon. If you don't know what that hashtag means, I'll just say that this is our second fridge purchase in just over a month. I'm going to have to put myself out there more as a proofreader/editor to make the money back as quickly as I can but I don't believe that it's impossible. I just have to get the right eyes on what it is that I do.

As for weight, I don't really have an update there. I don't have a way to weigh myself at home and I haven't figured out a solution for that yet. I don't really want to drive 20 minutes to the doctor's office every couple of weeks, even though I'm pretty sure they'd let me stop in and use the scales. I will say that I think that my pants feel a bit looser, but it's hard for me to tell if that's just wishful thinking or reality. I promise I'll keep updating that bit as often as I can though. I need to know too if the bits I'm trying are working. Only five more months until that appointment. Now that the new fridge is here though, I can get my water bottles filled and in there so that I have a ready supply of drinking water on hand which will be nice.

Current Weight: ???
Goal Weight: 150 lbs
Days in a Row Taking Meds: 18

Decisions...Decisions...

Well, it's been about a month and here we are again. How are you, my friends? I sometimes wonder who the people are who read these posts when I write them. I suspect some of you are folks that I know and some of you are strangers who have wandered across this little blog. Whoever you are, I'm glad you're here. I really and truly am.

I suppose that I ought to catch you up on the past month or so. As it always is when school starts, life gets crazy around here. It takes at least this long for schedules to start to balance out. Both of the boys are doing well for which I am grateful. There are still some communication issues with their father and stepmother but that will never change so I try to take it in stride and to not let it stress me out. It is what it is, so to speak.

As for me, I'm doing okay. I've had my ups and I've had my downs. That's life though, right? No matter how often we may wish for smooth sailing, life would get rather dull if there weren't the occasional dip or bump. Granted, dips and bumps aren't much of a big deal compared to mountains and valleys.

If you asked me right now how I'm doing, I'd say, "Oh, I'm okay." and for the most part that would be true. I wouldn't tell you how much I miss the man that I'm in love with or that his sudden dropping of possessives and terms of endearment is bothering me, even though I'm sure it's absolutely nothing. I wouldn't tell you about how I just offered something pretty big to one of my staff members just to be told that he's decided to launch his own site and how devastated I am by that. I'd just smile and say, "Oh, I'm okay."  I don't know why that is or if it really matters. It's just something that crossed my mind right now.

But, this post is entitled Decisions...Decisions... and I've not talked once about any decisions, have I? I guess I ought to do that or this whole post will seem a bit wonky.

Decision #1: Mental Medication - This one is a huge one and one I've discussed here before. With the start of school and knowing I had a trip coming up, I put off this decision. The gaps in my memory have made the decision for me. I just spent time with the man that I'm in love with and I can't clearly remember our conversations and that really isn't acceptable to me. As if that's not bad enough, I think something and 10 seconds later, I can't remember what I was just thinking. I'm going back on the medication and I pray to god that it's worth it.

Decision #2: Girly Medication - A couple of months ago, at my annual checkup, the nurse practitioner mentioned that I should consider an alternate form of birth control. It seems that long term studies have shown that using Depo Provera for over 2-3 years can cause bone loss. However, going off of it for a year can reverse that. I'm now at 2 years and 2 months. It's time to make this decision. As much as it sucks, I've decided to do 1, possibly 2 more shots and then switch over to the patch. Why does this suck? On the Depo, I don't have a period, just some spotting. On the patch, I had a full out period. Gross, but I'd rather that then brittle bones, I do suppose.

Decision #3: NaNoWriMo 2017 - As some of you may know, I participated in this last year and completed it. Even though there multiple near panic attacks, I took myself out to the "local" group's activities and write ins. Being away from my home office really helped me buckle down and focus. Things got done. However, I never really felt totally welcome within the group. In fact, my second (I think) time with them, I actually got pulled aside and lectured by the one group leader about being mean to someone else who was there. Let me make this clear, I wasn't being mean. The person in question was a stay at home mom whose kids were young. I made a statement that if my kids were little still, I think writing would be easier for me. Notice those last two words...for me. I was and am a stay at home mom for the most part. When my boys were little, I was so much more productive than I am now..partially because my mental health was better and partially because we were home and not running all over creation due to sports and band and everything else that they do. I think this woman getting hurt (as in literally crying to the group leader) caused the group leader to have an issue with me even though it was a misunderstanding. She never made me feel welcome after that. Luckily, the other group leader did and that combined with how much I was getting done led me to attending other events. Now, on the near eve of everything starting up again (first workshop is in 3 days), I'm stuck on trying to decide if I attend or don't attend. I have book 2 in the works and if I could convince Nick to give me one more month, this would be the perfect time for cleaning it up and really making sure it is what it should be. Argh..I just don't know. I wish that there were a group closer that I could try out to see if it would be a good fit.

I guess those are the big ones right now. I'm still working on balancing mom life, reclaiming my house, and writing the book, but I feel as if I'm making progress in those areas. I keep telling myself that baby steps are better than no steps at all and there was a point where I wasn't making even those.

I'm going to close out this post now..not because I'm done writing because I'm never done writing, but because it's time for me to head into town to see my kids, to run the gaming group, to attend a new local writer's group, and then a parent's meeting for those with kids graduating this year. Sometimes I think my life begins at 2pm.

Before I go though, I want to say thank you for those who come here and read. I know it seems such a little thing but when I see the number of you who do, it helps me to know that I'm not alone in this great bit world. I have my boys, I have my man, and I have all of you. Take care of yourselves...

Making Changes

For too long, I've taken my life and my health for granted. Sure, there have been periods where I've made some vague effort and there was a period where I made a solid effort and oh my gosh, I felt so much better physically and even emotionally.

Then, as we all know, I not only dropped the ball, but I then kicked it into the neighbor's yard. You know, the one who has the dog like the one in Sandlot? The yard that has the high fence, the scary dog, and you're terrified to step one foot into it? Yep, for the past few years, that's where my ball has been and for whatever reason, I've been terrified to go and get my ball back.

A few months ago, I decided that it was time to creep around the yard to see if I could find a way in. I cut soda out of my life and I tried to increase my water intake. I don't know if it's helped any, but it certainly hasn't hurt.

Then, just over a week ago, I went and had my yearly blood work done and the results terrified me. Not only was I anemic (brought on by an ugly depo-provera reaction where I have an over the top heavy period that lasted a month straight), but I'm also borderline diabetic. Granted, that result could be from the anemia, but is it really worth that risk?

So, after a few days of meltdowns and panicking, I decided that it was time to step a foot over the boundary line and into the yard and to find my ball. After all, drool covered or not, it's my ball, not someone else's. Nobody else can fix this for me. This is something that I have to do for myself. I need to pick up the ball, wipe off the dust, drool, and anything else that's collected on it and relearn how to handle it.

What does all this ball talk mean? It means that I've recommitted to keeping soda out of my life and out of the house. I've been limiting myself to one a week and sometimes I don't have any. I've been drinking more water. It's still not enough but any is better than the none that I was doing. I've walked into my kitchen and I've started cleaning it up so that it can be used properly. When I went shopping this past weekend, I created a meal plan in advance and stuck with my list.

I was and am proud of all of those inchings into the yard, but yesterday, for the first time in a very long time, I didn't inch. I took an actual step. Instead of just having a meal plan and ignoring it, I followed it. I unloaded groceries from the car, I washed up what I needed and I made a rather tasty Indian Curry for dinner last night. Other than the tomato paste, there wasn't a single processed ingredient in it. Even the sauce was made from scratch. It had veggies in it and things that are good for a person to eat. After dinner, I even packaged up the leftovers and washed up the dishes. This, I am incredibly proud of.

You see, it's incredibly easy for me to become overwhelmed and instead of running with the ball, I just kind of nudge it along and then forget about it under a bush or something. Except last night, even when something else was overwhelming and upsetting me, I didn't. I followed through. I followed through and now have delicious lunches for the rest of the week.

Then today, I took another step and instead of driving to the post office, I walked there and then came back the longer route. It's not huge, but it was .69 miles that I walked instead of drove. The weather was warm, the leaves crunchy underfoot and I feel all the better for doing it. Small changes. 15-20 minute a day changes, but pretty soon I'll be seeing just what I can do with that ball and with my life...the life I want to be around for.

The Numbers Are In...

So, it's Monday and here I am. I had thought I might write something in between, but it was just one of those weeks. You know the kind..you have all the greatest intentions but somehow the week just gets away from you and before you know it it's Monday again. That was my week. I'm going to be honest here because if I can't be here than how can I be anywhere else?

This last week was not about weight loss or getting healthy. Monday was awesome. I watched my youngest son win his first wrestling match and I was so proud of how strong he was (he was wrestling with a beat up toe) and how healthy he was. Due to his athletics, he's the only one in the family who doesn't struggle with weight issues. 

Tuesday and Wednesday were just days. I got distracted from my water and didn't get in my ounces. Thursday came the news that the same healthy kid now had pink eye and a nasty cold. Somehow that stopped me in my tracks. I have no idea why. Friday came along and I picked up the boys but wasn't feeling 100% myself. Sure enough, by Saturday I had a similar cold and the sinus pressure has had my jaw/tooth aching ever since. Drinking cold liquids just makes it worse. Great excuse, right? Well no. There is such a thing as warm water. 

So, last week just didn't happen. I'm disappointed in myself but refuse to beat myself up for it. Life happens, mistakes happen. You just have to pick yourself back up, dust off your bottom and try to do better. Really that's all you can do. 

This week I've decided to add in a second goal. No, my water intake has been far from perfect but this is one that I think I can do without too much trouble. Sleep. The truth is that I have an odd sleep schedule. Well, most people who know me think it's odd anyway. I tend to stay up until 3am and then sleep until 10 or 11. I know that, in theory, that's 8 hours of sleep a night. The truth is that its not so much working for me anymore. I need to start adjusting that. When I sleep until 11, it doesn't give me time to ease into my day when I have to be out the door around 3:15pm. So, starting this week, I'm moving my bedtime up. I'm not doing it in major leaps because that just leads to me laying in bed staring at the ceiling. So, my goal for this week is to be in bed by 2:30am every night. 

Sleep and water. I can do this. Now to get rid of water retention and all the ick that goes along with being a girl...and this blasted sinus pressure. I can't live off of motrin alone.

Starting Weight: 288 lbs
Weekly Weight:  288 lbs (yes, I actually stepped on the scale this morning!)
Amount Lost/Gained: -----
Workouts: -----
Average Daily Water Intake: 30 oz (Seriously need to get back to this!)

Mamavation Monday - It was bound to happen

Do you know this boy? I do. That's my oldest son standing outside of Spartan Stadium on Saturday morning. We were incredibly blessed to be gifted two tickets to attend Saturday's game against Indiana. Ben is what I'd call a superfan. He rarely misses a game if it's televised. He knows the players names. He cried when the quarterback came off the field to allow the second string quarterback a bit of experience. You see, the quarterback is a senior and this was his last home game.

My plans for this weekend didn't include driving 45 minutes to Lansing. I was going to clean (desperately needed) and focus on the holidays. Instead, we dropped everything and went. Know what? I wouldn't go back and change that decision for anything. This boy, so eager to see his team, didn't hesitate when faced with a huge flight of stairs up to our seats in the 59th row. Instead, he handed me his blanket and put one hand on the bench in front of him and hauled himself up. He hauled himself up all of those steps. He jumped to his feet cheering when his team scored. He threw himself at me and hugged me. He didn't let the fact that he has cerebral palsy slow him down one bit. He didn't complain when we had to walk down 8 flights (4 stories) worth of stairs after the game. He just did what he had to do and is already asking me if we can go again next year.

I need to take my inspiration from this little boy. He could have looked at those steps and said mom, I can't do this. Instead, he climbed. He could have stayed rooted in his seat because we were so far up but instead, he cheered and jumped up to support those guys down on the field.

This week, I've had roadblocks in so many aspects of my life. My house still looks like a tornado ripped through it. I lost days worth of kitchen cleaning and catch up because my sink blocked up. We got it fixed, just to find out that instead of fixed, it's now draining into the other sink. The plumber doesn't want to come back out even though he said it was fixed. Justin is still 2300 miles away with no sign of him being here anytime soon. It will probably be another 2 months until I see him again and then just for a weekend. The strain of the distance is especially horribly hard during the holidays. Take all that and the one week a month I hate hate hate to weigh in (women, you know which one) and the gain resulting from massive amounts of water retention and other blech and yeah, last night I said flat out, I want to admit defeat.

Will I? No. I'm going to try really hard to take a lesson from my son and just keep going, to focus on the good that's happening and hope that those who are around me this week can take a bit of inspiration instead of seeing only what I didn't get done.

Average Daily Water Intake: -- I'm honestly not sure.

Workouts: Friday swimming with the 5th graders & allll those stairs at the stadium with a few pushups thrown in.
Weight Change: 268.8 (+7 pounds) <-- The scale picture doesn't lie, but umm...yeah...wow. That's precisely what I lost last week. It will come off again.
Overall Weight Change: -22.8 pounds

Mamavation Monday - Distractions!

You know you took one look at that picture and either went, "Huh?" or you started giggling. It is the oddest looking scale I've seen in a very long time. Why did I post it? Well because of the camera/scale war I have going on in this house. You see, taking a picture of your scale number is so much harder than it sounds. For me it involves the following steps:

1. Turn camera on.
2. Get camera zoomed in on the scale.
3. Set camera to the side.
4. Get scale turned on.
5. Step on scale.
6. Madly grab for camera when number comes up.
7. Get annoyed because camera strap has fallen in the picture.
8. Wrap said strap around camera.
9. Set camera to the side.
10. Repeat until you either scream in frustration and storm off or manage to get a blurry picture.

So, that's what I did this morning. Then, I sat down to write the post and discovered my camera hadn't saved the photo! Argh! I stomped back into the bathroom (which my pedometer happily recognized as steps) and tried this whole process again. The scale said I'd gained .4 pounds in 5 minutes! Really scale? I know you're ticked by this process but give me a break.

Now, for the past few months, I've been weighing myself in the bathroom. My bathroom (not because I want it!) has carpet. I discovered this morning that depending where I put the scale, my weight changed. How's that for accuracy? So, I moved it to the only piece of linoleum we have...which is right in front of my front door. That didn't work because it slants. Then, for my own amusement, I put it on the living room carpet. I instantly lost 30 pounds! Man, as much as I hate this carpet, I might keep it for that reason alone. I wish I'd gotten a picture.  Finally, I settled on the kitchen because it has super thin and rather useless carpet and the 10 times I stepped on and off the scale (that's how many attempts it took to get a picture!), the number stayed the same unlike other locations. So, to my neighbors...if you read this, don't look in my kitchen window on Monday mornings because you might get a show you didn't want to see. Or heck, I'm looking better these days..maybe you do want to see...

Right, that was a long tangent, huh? Long story, short..I posted that carpet covered scale in honor of my living room carpet which loves me. Now, since I know y'all have lots more blog posts to read and leave love for, let me show you this week's numbers...starting with the scale picture that I eventually got.

I hope you can see that number. It's a bit dark and now I realized I was zoomed in pretty far but those are my toes on there. I seriously need to remove the old nail polish and either redo them or leave them bare. This half painted look is not so sexy and since I get to see Justin this weekend, sexy is my goal. Homework is just that much nicer when a person is feeling sexy, don't you think?

Uh-oh, I'm tangenting again. I swear I have oooh shiney syndrome this morning. Seriously. That's a real thing, just like Wii arm. See? There I go again...I'd better give you the numbers before I spin off into space....

Average Daily Water Intake: 75oz (doing better!)

Workouts: 3000 step challenge x4 days + 3 Gruntstyle workouts
Weight Change: 275.2 (-2.8 pounds)
Overall Weight Change: -16.4 pounds

Now, for this week's Mamavation Question:

How would you brand your health and wellness lifestyle?  How do you want others to know you in this area?

Brand it? I'm not honestly sure. I guess Welcoming Weight Loss is my way of branding it. I want people to see that I'm a very real person with very real struggles in this area. I have those that I look up to and those who look up to me (though this is wow for me!). I'm successful, in part, due to the people that I have along for this ride and without them, this would be so much more difficult. I'm not actively looking to expand this brand, though the door is open for anyone who needs a Weight Loss home though knowing me, if they're female, they'll be pulled right into Mamavation too.

“This post is sponsored by New Balance and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway hosted by Mamavation – a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women.

Mamvation Monday - Changes

Happy Monday, everyone! I'm sick as heck with an end of summer cold. Yesterday, I was feeling better and got all productive and then Wham! Bam! (batman sound effects anyone?), I was like oh shoot, maybe I shouldn't have done that. I spent the rest of the night curled up under a blanket fighting off hot and cold flashes. Today, I feel like my head is full of that stuff over to the left there. Ewwww! Yep, total grossness.

Let's see, other than that, last week was pretty good. My oldest son had his first school dance on Friday. I don't know how it's possible that either of us is old enough for that. What's different at his school is that they hold them right after school. The dances run from 3:30pm to 5:30pm. I like that but at the same time, I remember the fun I had at home primping and prettying myself up and the kids miss out on that.

Other than that, it was a pretty typical week around here. Ok, no it wasn't. What am I thinking? I think the snot monster stole my brain for a minute there. I almost forgot the drama of early last week when it took me 3 days to set the surgery appointment for my son. I finally got that sorted so keep us in your thoughts for December 13th. He's having hamstring lengthening surgery and any surgery scares this mama to death.

Then, there was the whole I'm going to repaint my bathroom fun. I know a lot of people think of me as Little Miss DIY (is there a t-shirt for that?) and I admit, I love playing with power tools and this kind of thing. In fact, I asked for a laser level for my birthday. I did. I haven't gotten very far in the process because there's a lot of prep work to do and silly me, I forgot to buy an extra small roller to do my stripes. I'm fixing that today, though.  Want to see what's done so far? Well give me a minute to offload my camera and I'll show you!

Sadly, these aren't the best of pictures due to the time of day that I was painting but hopefully they'll give you some idea of the icky peachy tan color it was before and the loveliness of the creamy white we're putting up now. 

Other than that, the only big thing happening with the family is our annual school fundraiser. I love this fundraiser because a) we don't have to sell anything for it and b) it promotes activity and movement. What I don't love? I can't seem to get anyone to sponsor my son for it. For the event, the kids move and groove their way through a multiple station obstacle course. There are a lot of laughs and a lot of fun movement involved. Roger has a goal this year of raising $500. So far, he has $0 and we only have until the 30th to raise the money. If anyone would like to help out, contact me and I can give you my paypal information.

Oooh, I suppose I ought to also say that Friday is my birthday and for the first time in years, I'm excited about it. I won't have made my weight loss goal but that's ok. This year has had some serious ups and downs but thanks to Mamavation and some very awesome friends and my amazing family, I'm actually happy to be here and looking forward to the coming year. I consider this my nonscale victory for this whole past year.

Now, for the numbers:

Average Daily Water Intake: 40oz
Workouts: Nothing formal.
Weight Change:278.4 (-5.0 pounds)
Overall Weight Change: -13.2 pounds 

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

How are you planning to change up your workout as summer ends?

Changing it? I need to find one again. I guess that's my big change. I didn't really have a workout over the summer and it's more than time that I find one again. If life allows and I find some determination, you'll be seeing that information by workouts changing soon.

This post is sponsored by Mamavation and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway hosted by Mamavation – a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women

Mamavation Monday - Homework is Fun

I cannot believe how fast this summer is whipping by. It just doesn't seem possible that it's Monday again. The calendar says it is though. So, what have I been up to this past week?


Let's see...Most of last week was taken up with cleaning and preparing to go down to Toledo to celebrate with Chris and Lauren. Can I just say that they are seriously one good looking couple? I'm so happy to see them so happy. They had a great reception and I hope they enjoyed it as much as their guests did. I know that the boys had fun and that they especially liked the hotel that we stayed at. I don't blame them I thought it was really nice too. Plus, we got a free breakfast and the boys got an hour in the pool before we headed back North. 


On the way home, we stopped by my grandmother's house and I was happy to see her up and making herself some lunch. My mother has been spreading stories about how she has lung cancer and breast cancer and let me tell you, she had me scared. There's still the chance of cancer but she's been cleared in both of those areas. She's undergoing more tests and they'll be going over the results with her doctor, mid-September. That tells me that this isn't a panic situation. I can relax a little.


As for now, the boys and I are preparing for company, camping and the start of school. I found out last night that their dad's girlfriend did a benefit sale on her Etsy shop and raised enough money to buy Ben a new netbook for school. That means the laptop that Ryan sent us will stay here at my house and be used to work on computer skills for both of the boys. I am so very thankful for the support that people have shown us. It truly is amazing what people will do to help when you just reach out. Please, go and give both Misty and Ryan some love.  
Speaking of love, I just have to say that I have loved all the homework chats that Gena and I have instigated this week. I'm envious that she got asked to speak tonight at Mamavation tv. I know she's going to have everyone laughing and smiling though. Of course, that reminds me of the other thing I started this week. I've started a new website partially inspired by the homework discussions. It's called Straight Sex Talk and it can be found at http://www.straightsextalk.com . That's a nice and easy url, huh?


I bet you've noticed that I haven't mentioned a single thing about fitness or weight loss in this post. That's because this past week was also one where I did a bit of self-reflection. I realized that I've been feeding myself (and you that read) a bunch of excuses as to why I wasn't doing what I should be doing.  That's all they are.  So, I'm starting over and I'm starting with water. Just water. I'm not pushing myself to the point where it's too much and I give up. I'm going to find my water bottle, get it filled up and start drinking while I leave my comment love for my sistas.


Average Daily Water Intake: 30oz
Workouts: Nothing formal.
Weight Change:276.6 (-.4 pounds)
Overall Weight Change: -15.0 pounds 


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Question: Why do you think exploring intimacy is an important part of a healthy lifestyle?

As humans, we all have a desire to belong and to love and be loved. Intimacy is a part of how we meet this need. Intimacy doesn't have to be physical. An intimate relationship is simply a close interpersonal relationship. Exploring those types of relationships fulfills those needs and helps us to be healthier (mentally) and happier people.

 “This post is sponsored by Eden Fantasys and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway hosted by Mamavation.

Mamavation Monday - Back to Basics

Happy Monday! First off, I don't know if any of you noticed, but we have our own domain here! That's right, I am officially the incredibly proud owner of http://www.welcomingweightloss.com! Now, don't bother to click that link because it will just bring you right back here. We are still hosting on Blogger so if you use the old address, it will bring you right here! You have no idea how excited I am about this! It's like we're official now or something. Woot!

Now, on to weight loss or in my case this week, weight gain. It wasn't a huge gain and I am totally pms'ing (sorry guys in the crowd!) so I'm not surprised. I always retain a bunch of water and who knows what else before girly grossness starts. Knock on wood (and a lot of work this week) that come next Monday, I'll be past this plateau. I'd really love to hit that 15 pounds lost mark! Plus, with any luck, I'll finally  be done coughing up the green grossness that has been in my lungs ever since I stayed at my parents' house the last time. Yes, that was over a week ago. Yes, I probably have bronchitis or something. Yes, it's really, really annoying...I wonder how much all that gunk weighs...I guess we'll see where I am in a week!

I titled this post back to basics because that's just what I need to do. With everything happening, I slipped further away from my healthy habits and slid somewhere in the middle. My goals for this week is to keep working on water. For some reason, I'm really struggling with this one. Maybe I need to re-form my water brigade and get us all back into the habit. On top of that, I don't remember the last time I actually worked out. Then, along came Gruntstyle workouts with Mamavation. The official challenge starts today and lasts for 2 weeks. I don't think there are any prizes or anything, though that would be awesome and a great motivator for a lot of us. Aren't we such materialistic things these days? It's being led by a former Army Drill Sergeant which to me is like basic training! Well, this body certainly needs it, I tell ya!

If you see me around online, encourage me and push me. Challenge me...dare me...be like ye old drill sergeant and tell me I'm going to give up and have to report in that I did. Pride is a powerful button to push. If you need extra love, encouragement or support this week, drop me a note and I'll see what I can do. Not only is Mamavation a community, but so is Welcoming Weight Loss. In fact, we'll probably be opening slots for 1-2 more people to begin posting here so if you're interested, let me know!

Average Daily Water Intake: 28oz
Workouts: 300 bicep curls & tricep extensions (Take that, Drill Sergeant Gruntstyle!)
Weight Change:278.4 (+1.4 pounds)
Overall Weight Change: -13.2 pounds

Mamavation Monday - Well shoot...

Well, I had a cute graphic here because it wouldn't be one of my posts without it, but blogger is just being persnickity this morning and will not accept any graphic that I try to upload. It also says I don't have any in my previously uploaded section. Silly technology!

So, let's do a week in review. As you may have noticed, last week I was not a happy girl. That's what happens when you're suffering from a broken heart. You stop being happy. In fact, I was downright depressed. Then, on top of that, my knee "injury" of a week previous got worse. Yep, after a week, it got worse. I ended up going to Urgent Care (my doctor is something like an hour away) and after a rather lackluster examination, they told me that I'd sprained it which meant coming home with a knee immobilizer, crutches and pain meds. It also included a note to call my own doctor for follow up. Right.

Ok, so add all of that up and what do you get? Me throwing my hands up in the air and saying I seriously can't do this. I can't workout. I can't stand on my leg to cook. My house looks like it ought to be condemned and I can't do a thing about it. My heart hurts. My knee hurts and yep, I'm done. I only wish that I had been done in a more exciting way. Instead of eating whatever I wanted, I drank maybe one bottle of water a day and just paid little attention to what was going in my mouth. None of it was anything exciting though.

I bet you can see where all of this is heading, can't you? A weight gain. Yep. I put on 2.4 pounds this week. Ouch, huh? Now, I know some of that is really bad habits and not being able to move more than absolutely necessary. I also know some of that is swelling (maybe the .4, she says hopefully) and glancing at the calendar, I would say that some of it is monthly nonsense preparing itself. So, all in all, it could be far worse.

The real question is what am I going to do about it? Am I going to stay down, defeated or am I going to get back up and do what I can to get back on track? I know this should be a no brainer, but I did stop and think about this. I wondered if I was doing the right thing and could I even do this. The truth is, I don't know if I can but I know I'm going to try. Last night, I assigned Angela and Shelley to kickbutt duty. I know these two can and will seriously push me. I need pushing. I need the reminder that I was ** this close (see the space between those *? That's how close I was.) to being at my first 10 pounds lost.  If I did it once, I can do it again and I can go further.

After all, I have a hot date* in April and it certainly wouldn't hurt for me to be a few pounds less by then. *grins*

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This week's question is brought to us by Earth Footwear (whose sneakers I lust after frequently) :

Where will your feet take you this year? Any plans for a big hike, race, or just a lot of walking?


Me? Plans? Exercise? Ha! Ok, not so much ha anymore. I'm actually really loving moving and how good I feel afterwards. I don't really have any plans though. Our family did buy a state park pass this year and I'm thinking that the boys and I will go out hiking this summer at least once. Of course, there's also my at home workouts and getting in some street walking. Who knows, maybe by this time next year I'll be training for my first 5k? Wouldn't that be a hoot?


*By hot date, I mean that I'm getting together with a good friend who I haven't seen in about 4 years. We recently found each other again and agreed to get together when we can. For those of you on Facebook, yes this is my "boyfriend" Zac. Please notice the quotes. The rumors that we're together are seriously flattering (the man is amazing!) but yeah, sadly not true. 

Quick Post

This will be a really quick post, because I really shouldn't be up right now. I fell asleep earlier than I had intended to last night (Wednesday - around 9:00) and didn't get my post created for this week. It's now 3:00am on Thursday morning and I should be asleep, but I wanted to get this post created before I forget.

These past two weeks (since I last blogged) I have lost a significant amount of weight. I am not sure what the deal is because I have been eating even more calories than I had planned on, I have cut regular soda out of my life completely. Well, except for the occasional sip of Hubby's soda if we are out and about and I need just a small sip of something. And even when I have a tiny sip of regular soda, it tastes HORRIBLE to me! A few weeks ago, I was actually planning to have a soda, I LOVE pepsi. But when I took a drink of it, I made the most horrible faces ever because it tasted THAT bad to me. I just cannot stand the taste of regular soda right now.

Okay, so anyhow, I have been eating more calories than I had planned on, I dropped the exercising down to 3-4 days a week instead of every day, I have increased the water intake, and have dropped a significant amount of weight. As in too much weight, too soon.

I don't know what the deal is. My body is not reacting as anticipated. I weigh myself about once a week, at most. On March 1, I weighed myself. I was 236 and pleased with that. On 3/11, I weighed myself and I was 231. 5 pounds in 10 days. Not so great. In a week and a half, my goal would be to lose about 3 pounds. But it was more than that. By two pounds. Kind of an eek, need to bump up the calories, drop down the exercise a bit. So I did. I figured I was consuming far too few net calories.

Then, yesterday, 3/16 I jump on the scale. 220 even. Whoa - I just realized that's even worse than I expected because that wasn't even a full week's time. In 5 days, I lost 11.5 pounds. That's TWO pounds a day. I was fully expecting to have just maintained the weight, or maybe even to have gained a little bit, not lost on average the same amount per day that I had originally hoped to lose in one week.

So, why is this happening? I am eating more calories and even better foods, I am sleeping regularly for the first time in a long time, my stress level has been sky-high, I have been drinking more water and I have cut out regular soda completely. How do these things together, cause me to lose 10 pounds in 5 days? This is really depressing. It's not safe to drop that much that quickly. I want to lose weight in a healthy way. I don't want to endanger myself even more than my initial weight was already doing. So what is the next step? How do I rectify this?

Is there any chance that a lot of that was water weight? Or the fact that this past week was also (guys stop reading) my monthly? I'm just not sure what to make of this or where to go from here. To be honest, I'm scared to lose weight now.

Later today, I start a new job. It is one that will be Mon-Fri from 8-5 (roughly). Regular hours which will allow me to create a regular schedule, including a regular sleep schedule at night time, like most other people. Of course, my job will be a physical one, so I'm going to need to ensure to bump up the calories again and make sure I'm eating enough. Here's hoping that I can figure something out...

Mamavation Monday - What the....

Here we are. Another Monday which means I had to do the dreaded deed again. I had to step on the scale. As you guys all know, I'm not giving away the results until we get to the bottom. I will tell you that today's graphic is a clue as to the results.

Now, let's look back at the week. It was long but Monday-Thursday, I think I did pretty good. I hit 112oz of water every one of those days and worked out on Tuesday and Thursday. I spent quite a bit of time emailing back and forth with someone who gave me some pointers and more importantly, a ton of support.

Then, on Friday, I hit a wall and I hit it hard. I'd had a long week full of really bad cramps (guys who read this, just block that out of your head, ok?) and all the stuff that goes along with that. It was a long week in general with my schedule only partially working out due to some events that came up. On Friday, I had to take Ben to Grand Rapids (aka the big city) to participate in a study that was happening at the Gait Analysis Center there. Driving up there was tough, as always. Then, when we were just going to make it on time, traffic came to a near halt. We ended up getting there about 15 minutes late which raised my stress levels. Then, the 30 minute thing ended up taking 2 hours and we ended up at Denny's for dinner. I looked at that menu and I blew it. I just didn't have the willpower to say no to eating something I knew wasn't great for me. The only bonus was that I did have a glass of water with it. I think I hit 50oz of water on Friday.

On Saturday, I completely and totally self sabotaged myself. I drank maybe 28oz of water for the day, skipped my workout and while I don't remember really eating horribly, I wasn't really paying attention to what I was eating. Yesterday wasn't any better. Well, that's not true. I was much more mindful of what I was eating and how much but my water intake was maybe..umm...10oz? I have no idea what happened.

So, today, I didn't want to step on that scale. I just knew that it was going to be bad. I told myself that it didn't matter. It was a learning experience but deep down, it broke my heart. I didn't want to write yet another "Yep, I screwed up but today is a new day to start over" post. I kept thinking how I'd let so many people down who really believe in me. Then, I stepped on the scale and stepped off the scale and stepped on the scale...and stepped off the scale and stood there in shock. I lost 6 pounds this week...Did you read that number? 6 pounds. Can you believe it? I can't! I can only think that my kick ass first 2/3 of the week laid the groundwork for that and it shows me that the work I put in was so worth it and is going to push me to do even better this week.

This week's results:
Average Water Intake: 84oz
Workouts: 2 (Power Walking DVD)
Weight Change: -6


Now, for those of you wondering what the heck that big pile of meat had to do with 6 pounds. That's a 6 pound bundle of burger! I imagine it as 6 pounds falling off the back of my rear (doesn't it look a bit like a tush?). Woohoo! *grins*

----- Mamavation Monday Question ------

Question: What are your strategies to fit everything into your busy life?  Any areas you need to work on?

I'm not fitting it all in! I'm trying though. I've found that post it notes have been a huge help. I've written my daily routine on them and have it posted on my bathroom mirror. That way, I can quickly glance at it and know what needs to be done before I leave for the day. I'm also a huge list maker and it's helped me a lot. Plus, I just don't beat myself up if I don't get to everything. I make sure that what's really important gets done and I let go of the guilt of the rest of it.

 “This post is sponsored by Earth Footwear and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway.”

Mamavation Monday - Time For Change

This is going to be my motto. All problems are opportunities in disguise. If nothing else, all problems are a chance to learn. As some of you know, I spent the entire last week super sick and coughing my lungs out. I used that as an excuse not to eat well and as an only fairly reasonable reason not to work out. As a result, I am back at the starting point. I have completely regained all of the weight that I had lost.

I should be upset, but I'm not. When I sat down last night and looked back at my week, I saw this coming. I knew that the scale was going to tell me how all of my bad habits had snuck back in. Heck, forget snuck..they jumped right back in and had a party that I'd let my guard down. Yep, I blew it. I know it and I acknowledge it and now, I'm moving on. Beating myself up will only continue to let those bad habits have their way. Well, I refuse to let that happen.

So, this week, it's time to take this problem and turn it into an opportunity. Instead of focusing on all the "bad things" I did last week, I'm taking that knowledge and turning it around so I can focus on how to do just the opposite. Instead of barely getting in my water, I am publicly stating right here that my new water goal is 84oz a day. That's 3 of my water bottles.  Instead of focusing on how I didn't work out at all (barring 100 jumping jacks/crunches..Thanks ladies! Seriously. I needed someone to kick my ass a bit.) I am stating right here that I will work out 3x this week. I'm going to do the EAS once and the walking dvd twice. Instead of thinking about some of the garbage I ate last week, I am going to write out my dinners on a paper and put it on my fridge so there is no question each night of what's for dinner. I made a menu plan and now I need to stick with it.

That folks is my plan and I put it here in black & white so that all of you can push me. My workout days will be Tuesday, Thursday & Saturday. If you see me online one of those days, ask me if I've done it. Text me, tweet me, email me...Push me. If I get cranky about it, tell me to shut the duck up. Seriously. I know that I'm pms'ing which means this week will bring along another addition to the party, but I am *NOT* going to let that get in my way. I can't. I have to do this. The time is now and I'm counting on all of you to remind me of that.

Water Intake: Averaged 64oz
Workout: 100 jumping jacks/100 crunches (Thanks Angela and Shelly!)
Weight Change: +1.8 (yes, I am retaining due to you know what but this # will change!)

Question: How do you encourage your children to contribute to your family’s healthy lifestyle?

My boys help me meal plan for the weekends that they're with me. They also help me plan out healthy (or at least healthier than in the past) after school snacks. I recently introduced them to raw spinach and now it's something that they (especially the youngest) love on sandwiches and as salads. We also saved up for almost 2 years to buy a WII because I love the activity it adds to their video games. Although, after doing the EAS for 2 days in a row, my youngest is a little hesitant to do it now..lol! That won't last for long though. We also play outside when the weather is warm (and the ground isn't mud) and walk down to our mailbox together. It's not fast cardio walking but any movement is good movement.

 “This post is sponsored by Mamavation and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway.”

Is there something wrong with me?

I'm going to be honest because that's what this blog is for. It's about openness and saying whatever it is that's on your mind. I'm starting to wonder if I should give up on this weight loss thing. I know it's been all of  two weeks and I finally have a handle on my water drinking, but I'm feeling rather alone in this struggle. It doesn't help that my weight has madly fluctuated in those two weeks. I've gained 5 pounds, lost 6 and gained 3 all in the course of two weeks. It's insane. I'm not going to give up though. I've had something else going on that I haven't posted about here. I haven't had a period in two months. I'm not pregnant. I'd love to say I was because I'd immediately drop 20 pounds..lol. My former mother in law used to say getting pregnant was the best diet for me. Not having a period for 2 months scares me. By the time both of my aunts were about my age or maybe a little older, they'd both had full hysterectomies. Their mother died of cervical cancer. My own mother had a full hysterectomy when she was in her 30s. Skipping periods is scary for me and because it's been this constant worry in the back of my mind, I know my stress levels have been high. I know that when my stress levels are high my body goes wonky and well, it becomes a cycle, doesn't it? Well, the good news is that the cycle ended today..or at least it's looking like it has. Maybe now I can move on from that and work more on the weightloss thing.