Weekly Update: Stressed

 I'm not going to lie. I'm stressed and not feeling well. Tomorrow I have to go back to see my doctor to discuss all things diabetes and me. I've been trying to eat better and keep track of my carbs. I've failed in there a few times, but overall, I think I've done well. I'm concerned that somehow I'll have gained weight instead of lost it. I'm worried she's going to make me start testing my blood at home. I've never been one that's good with huge changes and all of this feels really huge. She's not having me do a blood test before I come in so I don't know how she'll know if the medication is working well or if any changes that I've made have helped. 

Part of me is 100% freaked out again and part of me is trying to tell myself that knowledge is power and that the more I know, the faster I can work on fixing this. Right now, the first part is winning. When I went to see the dietician, they gave me a packet of papers to read through. I flat out told myself at that point that I would put that back until after the 1st because I knew the basics and really needed to focus on those and on the holidays with my kids. Well, guess what...today I have to read through that packet. It's just a bunch of papers so I don't know why I'm so scared. Sometimes anxiety makes zero sense. 

I do think that the medication has helped though. When I sleep, I'm really sleeping now, not just drifting in and out. Of course, I'm also sleeping 10-14 hours at a time. Starting next Monday, I'm going to start setting an alarm to get me up earlier. One step at a time, right? I also find myself more clear headed and able to get things accomplished. I'm not on the couch all day fighting exhaustion. This is good. 

Still, I worry. It's hard not to get lost in that anxiety. I find myself having to tell myself that I have to do something, like take the trash to the curb. It's an effort because my brain is so focused on what might happen. Things are getting done though. Each night I've been writing a to do list for the following day and things are getting marked off on it which is good. I've been keeping spaces clean (the living room needs a bit of work) and progressing the kitchen. I've been doing laundry slowly...mostly because I have to wait for each load that's hanging to dry before I can do another one, but it's getting done. Clean clothes are nice. 

I'm finding that I can enjoy my evenings curled up on the couch watching tv because things have gotten done during the day. I'm not staring around, beating myself up, because I did nothing that day. It's nice. Today I'll be reminding myself that tomorrow is about kicking this to the curb and whatever happens, I'll deal with it once it happens. Worrying about it beforehand gets me nowhere. 

Keep your fingers crossed for me and take care of yourselves and each other.

Weekly Update: Better

I can't believe that it's Monday again. I look back over the past week and it seems like nothing happened...maybe that's what's caused the days to blend together. Maybe I should rephrase that. So much has been happening in the US and around the world. Not much has happened in my personal sphere.

I don't really want to get into the country's events. I'll just say that they've horrified me and overwhelmed me. I can't wrap my brain or my heart around what I'm seeing. I don't understand how anyone could treat others with less than dignity and respect. Even living in the middle of nowhere, it's affected me and those around me. My children see it happening and are equally horrified. I have to explain to my special needs son what's happening in a way that he can understand. It's a scary time and I encourage you to stand up, be heard, but also, please be as safe as you possibly can.

As for personally? Let's see...last Tuesday Ben and I went to see his orthotist who repaired his afos for him. So, after probably four to five months, he's back wearing those. He starts physical therapy later this month and I truly hope that it helps him. His muscles have tightened up and he really needs for them to loosen up some.

Wow...was my week really that dead? I worked on a new client's book. It was tougher than usual because the humidity and everything going on was just sucking the focus out of me. The village decided to replace all the drain pipes on my block so that was fun. For a couple of days I had an 8' trench in front of my house and across my driveway. Today they were out packing down the dirt and it's so dry that I honestly went outside concerned that something was on fire. Turns out it was just the dust clouds.

Oh! Something good...I did an interview yesterday and while I have no idea how many people were tuned in, I had a good time and plan to do another one next month just 9 days before my book releases. Speaking of that, in August, I might have an in-store reading/signing. Someone that I know is opening a pop culture collectible store front and he'd like me to come out. I'm a bit concerned with the up front costs involved (table covering, books, print outs, crayons, etc) but I have to dive in at some point and take advantage of every opportunity that comes along. My goal is to do library readings, check into bookstores in the area, and eventually start doing conventions. I have friends who want to table near me which will be fun...of course, none of them are local. Still, what better reason to travel then to spend time with friends and sell a few books along the way?

I guess that's it, guys. I know that this wasn't an exciting update, but it really was a dull yet overwhelming week. The highlight (other than the interview) was taking an afternoon and doing nothing more than building Lego. I could spend a lot of days doing that...

So, for now, take care of yourselves and each other. Stand up for the good and don't tolerate the bad. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be safe....

Weekly Update: Migraine (Ouch!)

Hi, all! I don't know how long this post is going to be. I woke up this morning with a migraine which is putting everything that I had planned for today on hold. Have to take care of myself though, right? That and if I don't take some downtime, it'll just get worse and that is certainly something that I can live without.

So, how are all of you doing? Tired of being on lockdown? Sick of every video game that you own? Can't concentrate on reading? Yeah, I get that. A friend of mine and I just went back to playing Everquest 2 and I'm so glad that he decided to. It gives me something to do and some social time with him because we chat as we play. I hope it holds his interest for a while because it's really helping me get through this time.

I have been trying to read, but man, it's just hard to hold focus like that. It's good for me though. As a writer, I feel like I should be supporting other writers. I just started a book called When the Stars Fade. The prologue was pretty good so hopefully the book is too. I do love the title. I have a tough time creating titles. I wonder how many other people do too...

Speaking of doing what others are doing, I've also been cleaning my house. I think I mentioned that last week. So far, I've worked on the laundry room and the bathroom. This week is all about finishing those two rooms and maintaining them. Maintaining seems really hard for me sometimes, but I'm enjoying the freshness of those spaces and would like to keep them that way.

The toughest part is not being able to get rid of stuff that I want to donate. Nothing is open for donations so the bags keep building up inside of my house which doesn't help anything. Heck, I can't even return my cans and bottles to the store. It's frustrating because each of those trash bags is taking up valuable real estate inside of my house. Maybe if I can get more clearing done, I can find a place to stash the bags until all of this is over. It's an idea anyway.

I'm going to look over my list and see if I can't find a couple of low key cleaning things on it to try to tackle today, but I want you to know that I'm here and you can reach out to me any time. We're all in this together.

What? A Weekly Update?!?

It's only been a week and I'm back! Can you believe it? I almost can't except that I've been working on setting up a new Monday schedule which includes writing a post here and writing one over on Life With Katie.

So, how are things? Let me tell you. I'm still struggling with being really tired during the day. I wake up around 7:30 and stay awake until maybe 9 am and then I fall back to sleep until 10:30 or later. It's far from ideal. I'm hoping that it's still the medication and not a blood pressure issue.

Speaking of blood pressure issues, I still don't have a cuff for me to monitor things at home. Why, you ask? Because insurance sucks. The first place I went doesn't take my insurance. The second place does, but the insurance requires submission of my appointment notes showing medical necessity. Then, once the place submits those, it can take 2-3 weeks for them to approve (or not) it so I can get one. It's really frustrating and a little bit scary. I've looked on Amazon and for $50, I could have a really high rated one and not have to go through this, but every penny that comes in, goes right back out to one bill or another. You would think that they'd find preventative care worthy of investing in. I don't think I'm at serious risk for a heart attack or anything, but if I were to have one, the medical expenses would be a lot higher than the cost of an at home blood pressure cuff.

Let's see, other than that, it's really all about adjusting to not having the kids here. Roger and Dylan seem to be settling in well at college. I saw them on Friday and Dylan was chatting quite a bit about a girl that he's met. Maybe he'll have a girlfriend soon. Roger is busy with classes and rehearsing. It makes me smile to see him taking things so seriously. His roommate is talking about starting a D&D group for Friday nights and he's interested. I may need to dig out my dice for him soon.

My editing business is trickling along with makes me smile. I made enough in August to keep DHS off my back for another month. Right now, September is looking promising, thank god. Even with the new medication, I panic at the thought of having to work outside of the house. So, I keep pushing with my little business. It's something that I truly love doing and it's flexible so if I need to go do something else, I can go do it. I think I need that flexibility.

I guess that's it for now! Life is all about adjustments right now. Tonight I start in with making sure I'm in bed by midnight. I've also slept with the tv on and the light on for years now so I'm going to start working on turning down the tv a little bit each night. Baby steps, right? Now...I'm going to baby step over to the other site and work on a Wordsmith Wednesday post!

Still Plugging Along

It's been about a month since I last checked in and quite a bit has happened. My youngest auditioned for and was accepted into the Kalamazoo Youth Jazz Orchestra. He's also been filling out college applications and all of the work that comes along with that. I think he still has two left although one should just be a matter of filling out an extra form and getting that submitted. As a mom, I'm proud of him for being on top of things and for being so responsible with it. As a mom, I'm also a bit sad that my baby is pretty much all grown up. So grown up that I haven't had him at my house in about three months because he no longer has a car (due to an accident) so he stays at his dad's so that he can easily get to work and school. 

The oldest has been coming out when he has a few days off in a row and I've loved having that time with him. It does my heart and soul good to spend time with him. I look at him and his brother and I often think that no matter what else I've messed up, I've done okay with helping them become good men.

As for me? I've had my ups and downs. The hardest thing has been the loss of my cat. The boys and I got Byron from a no kill shelter in New York just over 10 years ago and losing him was like losing my best friend. He let me cry all over him, hug him, pet him, cuddle him, and he loved me as much as  loved him. In his last minutes on Earth, he kept pressing his paw into the palm of my hand and looking to me for reassurance. Missing him doesn't begin to describe me this past week.

Still, life must go on and I'm up to my eyeballs in far too much. I'm trying to mentally begin to prepare for the holidays. They're going to be tough because the boys spend Thanksgiving at their dad's and both will probably be working. My oldest will have Christmas Day off because Walmart is closed but I don't know if his brother will work. It's tough when they get older and get lives of their own.  On top of that, November means KYJO rehearsals and NaNoWriMo. I'm determined to finish book 3 of The Tether Saga so that it can be published. Of course, day 4 of NaNo and I'm 3 days behind on writing! Life keeps happening!

So...there is far too much happening and I'm doing a fairly good job at keeping afloat. I guess that the most important thing is that I haven't given up. I'd love to say that things will get smoother, but for this month, at least, they won't. It's going to be a rocky road but I know that going in and I've tried to schedule out what I can and I'll try to breathe through what I can't.

Until next time...keep on plugging along! I'm right there with you.

So Far, So Good

Well, this is week 2 of the desktop sticky note/daily theme plan and so far it's gone pretty well.  I've had to be a bit flexible with it since things have popped up, but it has helped to wake up each morning with at least an idea of what should get done that day.

Last week, I managed to get half a book proofread, a story written and submitted to an anthology and a major part of the living room cleaned out. I'm thrilled to report that we can now walk around the entire room. So far, so good.

Tomorrow is cleaning day again so my goal is to finish up the living room (few areas that need a pick up, bag of trash to the outside bin, and then vacuum the whole lot), do a load of laundry or two, and maybe even start on the bathroom. The overall goal is to have the living room and bathroom done this week so that next Wednesday, I can start in on the kitchen. That is one project that I am not looking forward to but that is beyond necessary.

Other than that, tomorrow night I'm attending a financial aid seminar at the youngest's school. I can't believe that we're already at college applications and how to fill out a fafsa! I do have to say though that while he seems to be procrastinating on filling out the applications, I am proud of him for coming to me about this seminar to ask if we could go before I had a chance to ask him about it. It helps reassure me as a parent that I've done something right when he shows this level of responsibility.

The rest of the week is busy...proofreading on Thursday and then the first NaNo class for the year. I've never actually taken any sort of writing classes and while this one is about organization, I'm looking forward to an evening of being out and of note taking. Do I need a course on how to be organized? Nope. Am I going to go so that I can start getting into the right mindset and to socialize? You bet your sweet bippy.

Friday is our last home football game and senior night. I can't believe it's Roger's last time performing on that football field during a halftime. I can't say the last time performing on it because Saturday is our marching band invitational and with a lot of luck, they'll be performing the show at the end of that.

So, quite a busy week ahead and there's been some extra stuff thrown in... my oldest son wanting to try out Special Olympics, still jumping through hoops for him to go to school in January, and then a doctor's office calling me today about setting up a surgery consult for January. Oddly enough, I seem to be handling everything okay. Maybe because I have a bit more routine it doesn't throw me as much when something pops up.

I know that this hasn't been the most educational or even fun post, but thank you for taking the time to read it....and I hope you're doing well.

Changes Have to Happen

This sounds brave, right?

I promised all of you an update after I'd seen the doctor so I'm back! It didn't even take me two weeks! I know you're as proud of me as I am about that.

The appointment actually went really well. I intentionally set it with the nurse practitioner because she's a bit more laid back than my doctor. I guess even a couple of months ago I had my suspicions that my results this year were going to be a problem.

I went in and the first thing she touched on, of all things, was my birth control. I swear that there isn't one that doesn't have some sort of issue. After three years, I went off the depo shot because that's the limit before studies have shown bone density loss. I went onto the patch because I really do need something that's more set it and forget it. It turns out that there's a higher chance of blood clots with it so I need to watch for swelling, redness, and warmth in my legs. Really, a girl cannot win with these things.

After that, she touched on my cholesterol levels. While they've always been high, they jumped about 50 point in this past year. That's not really good. We discussed the idea of putting me on meds while I worked on the diet side, but the risk calculator didn't put me at a high enough risk that she felt it was worth it.

I talked to her about how I'd already started making small changes...like not buying chips or cookies anymore and making soda a treat and not a regular thing. She seemed impressed that I'd already started working on things. I also talked to her about how I'd lost weight in the past (Does anyone remember my Mamavation days?) and how I'd done it. We came to the conclusion that accountability seems to really work for me. She suggested getting involved in something like Diet Bet, but I don't really have the extra funds available right now. I really appreciated how she talked about how she'd done it with her sister over the winter. I never felt lectured which was such a relief.

I got through my pap smear, talked to her about how I think my allergies are affecting my one eye (and got something to try out for a couple of weeks to see if it helps), and came away with a reminder to schedule my mammogram and they're going to work on finding a surgeon that accepts my insurance (another issue for another post).

So, to recap. No leukemia. No liver failure. I'm not dying but I do have to make some diet and life changes.

The other day, I talked about some of the first steps in this process. Today, those steps seem so much more important because two people that I've known through my time in the comics industry have died in the past two days. Both of them had weight issues and while I don't know if those issues played a role in their deaths, I know that they probably didn't help.

I'm taking today to work on a meal plan for this coming week and to make a list of tools that I'm going to need to help. I know for sure that I need a new scale. My old one broke ages ago and while I have no intention of becoming obsessive about weighing in, I do need to do it about once a week to mark my progress. I'm also going to need a few things in the kitchen.

Remember how I mentioned accountability earlier? One of my friends and I have started a support group on Facebook. It's going to be a place where we can support each other, share tips, share recipes, and ask questions. It's all about working together for all of us to get healthier. If you'd like to join, you can find it at Welcoming Weight Loss. I'm also going to work on posting here more often and at the bottom of the posts, bringing back:

Previous Weight:
Current Weight:
Change in Weight:
Average Water Consumption:

It's going to take a while to build these habits, but every journey starts with a single step...or blog post.

Where do we go from here?

Hi all! It's been a really rocky couple of weeks but the depression is lifting and I had a bit of a revelation the other day. I'm going to leave that for a post of its own though. Today I want to update everyone on where I am with things.

Let's start with the basic health stuff. I spent 2 phone calls and a total of about 40 minutes on the phone today with my insurance company. I had some questions and eventually, I got some answers. It just took 2 phone calls and 40 minutes..heh.. I'll save you 40 minutes and give you a quick rundown:
Mammogram: 3D mammograms are covered and I now have this scheduled for next week. I'm not excited but it needs to be done so I might as well get it done.

Therapy: I get 20 therapy visits per calendar year and that number resets on January 1st. It doesn't seem like a lot but I guess it does come out to about 2 per month. I'm still on the fence about going to therapy and what type I should pursue but it's good to know that it will be covered if I decide to seek it out. Of course, I did forget to find out if they have a provider listing. That's another call for another day, I guess.

Weight Loss: For the past couple of years, my doctor has wanted to send me to the local hospital to pursue the option of weight loss surgery. More and more lately, I've come to realize that I need some guidance and some accountability. I don't seem to be able to do it on my own. I've beat myself up over this time and time again. People say that I'm strong, etc but I can't seem to do this. Enough. Sometimes we all need help and I shouldn't feel any amount of shame for that. If you're someone who feels the need to shame me or anyone else, feel free to also find the door.

I was given quite a bit of information...my insurance will cover the surgery if I meet the following criteria:

• Co-morbid BMI of at least 40
• Having been in a medical weight management program for 6 months and to have lost 10% of my body weight in that 6 months. The program has to have been within the past 2 years.
• Documentation of having seen a dietary consultant.
• Documentation of having had a psychosocial evaluation.

The only medical weight management program that they'll cover is Weight Watchers. To get into that, I have to make an appointment with my doctor's office, go in, and have a special form filled out that I also have to sign saying that I'm committing to the program. Then:

• They'll review the form and if approved will send me a welcome packet that will tell me where and when the meetings are.
• I have to attend at least 10 meetings in a 12 week session.
• At the end of the 12 week session, I have to fax in a copy of my progress sheet and the weight loss record.
• If I've lost at least 5% of my body weight during that time and they approve it, I can then do another 12 week session.

If I go through both 12 week sessions, that will count as the 6 months in a weight management program. At that point, I could go to the hospital program which would cover the other criteria. I don't know that I want to have surgery and I know that it's not an immediate cure all. I'm actually glad that there are hoops that must be jumped through. 

For now, I'm going to enjoy the last few weeks of summer with the boys and continue to work on the little changes like water intake and trying to make sure that I'm in bed and asleep by a certain time. I'm also considering making a medication change. As some of you know, I've been off my anti-depressants for about two years now. I'm very seriously considering going back on them for a set amount of time so that I can determine whether or not they help me. It's a decision that I'm putting a lot of thought into. 

I could keep writing but it's about time for me to get around and take my oldest son to work. If anyone has any information about the current Weight Watchers program, I would love to hear about it. 

Until next time...

Ugh...Allergies!

Ugh. Does anyone know when grass pollen season ends? We've been under a pollen warning for at least 2 months now. It wasn't too bad at first when it was tree pollen but now that grass pollen has been sitting at very high for weeks, I'm at my wit's end.

For those that don't know, I have some nasty allergies and it seems that this year they're worse than ever. Grass pollen is the biggest culprit and it's gotten to that point that I've doubled up my allergy meds and I'm still in tons of pain. Unfortunately for me, when my allergies act up, the left side of my sinuses swell and cause me intense pain in that area, my left eye, my left ear, and the left side of my jaw. It makes getting any accomplished nearly impossible. The only thing that helps it is to "drink" water constantly.

Why the quotes? Because I'm not actually swallowing right away. I hold it in the upper part of the left side of my mouth and almost float my sinuses. It relieves the pressure briefly but let me tell you, getting 64 ounces of water a day has been a breeze! It's insane the amount of water that I drink. I haven't been keeping track but I know it's 64 ounces or more every day.

I've also been really good about taking my medicine, two-thirds of which is allergy related. It helps or at least I'm hoping it's helping! Either way, I'm proud of being on top of those two things. I still need to get into the habit of wearing my fit bit and making sure I make those step goals. Hopefully the grass will stop making grass babies soon and I can get outside more. It's actually gotten so bad that we're ordering masks for me to wear (at least while at home).

So, I'm still here, I'm still slowly plugging away at this and I'm thankful for anyone who stops by and reads this. It's good for all of us to know that we're not alone in this pollen spewing universe.

Ups and Downs

Betcha thought I'd disappeared again, huh? Nope. I'm still out here. It's been a rough week or so though. It turns out that the reason I felt so awful and exhausted for 6 weeks is because I had mono. Go figure. I haven't the slightest idea where I picked it up from. All I can think of is that someone with it sneezed around me and I inhaled at the wrong time. Then, as if me having it wasn't bad enough, Roger caught it. Poor kid. His last week with it was terrible...throat so raw it was bleeding, exhausted, high fever...and one mom who was trying to be supermom. We got through it and got him off to jazz camp this past weekend, but that and the bat that moved into my house uninvited has worn me out. In fact, after I post this, I'm going to try to call my doctor's office again to reschedule my appointment and then take a nap. I'm no good to anyone when I'm super tired.

Now that I've caught you up, I  bet you could be wondering how the healthy changes are going. Of course, I also bet you know that when moms are being supermoms that they let their own things slip. I'm happy to say that it only happened a bit and as of this morning, I'm back on track with my medicine, watering my little garden, and eating breakfast. Small things, but important things. Plus, Ben and I have decided to spend 15-20 minutes each day tackling something in the house that needs to get done. I'm excited about the progress we're going to make by doing that. It's our goal to get to a point where the owner's husband can come put the rest of the ceiling tiles in. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

I guess that's that. Not a whole lot of change, but certainly some getting back on track and getting everyone healthy again. I have to reschedule my doctor's appointment to a time where I can also get Ben to work, but when I go, I'll be stepping on the scale. I don't expect a whole lot of change, but it will be good to know where I'm at. For now though, it's time to make that call and take that nap!

The Scale and Me

Yesterday was Thursday which means it was time for me to step on the scale. I seriously only get on it every two weeks because while the numbers matter, what matters more is how I'm feeling and how my clothes are fitting and all of those little indicators that add up to how is this going.

I was a little bit nervous but then again, I always am before I get on a scale. I use the one at my kids' school that's up in their weight room. Why? Well because a) I'm there 4-5 days a week and b) there isn't a level surface in my own house that I could put a scale on to get an accurate measurement at home. Next month I'll be back at the doctor's for my quarterly shot so I'll use theirs then.

Anyway, I was a little bit nervous because I never know what these things are going to say and also because I'm getting the hang of that style of scale. Still, I stepped on and started fiddling with it. I couldn't get it to balance though. I started at 290 because last time I was something like 298..I bumped it to 300..nothing. I bumped it back down to 290 and finally managed to balance it at 297. Hrmm...okay... I stepped off, back on and tried balancing it again and just couldn't. I don't know if I was the problem, the scale was the problem, or a combination of both.

Here's the thing though...I'm not letting it bother me. If the 297 was accurate, then it was. If it wasn't, it wasn't. Why isn't this bothering me? Because I can see the changes. They're there. Two days ago, I bought a size 26/28 tank top and it fits well. At the beginning of summer I was buying a size larger than that. They may not be huge changes, but they're changes and they're happening. I'll be back at the school again next week so I may step on the scale again then to see what happens. At no point will I be weighing in more than once a week, but I will be trying to keep track and we'll all see what happens because I'll be sure to post about it!

Until next post...

Jim's Week in review ... the post spring break edition

So, today is the final day of spring break. Spring break is ... well, it is fun. It is also my worst nightmare. Let me explain. I am a mindless snacker. If I am home, I will snack, pure and simple. It doesn't have to do with being hungry, it has to do with habit. It is a habit I am trying very hard to break. I can think nothing of watching something on TV and munching on a bag of chips or pretzels. As a matter of fact, I really AM thinking of nothing while I am doing it. So my main defense has been to not have those snack foods in the house.

Spring break, however ... well, it kinda queers things. I had my first family barbecue of the year during spring break this year. My brother and sister and their families came over, we fired up the grill and cooked up a storm. Chicken breasts, dogs and burgers (both beef and turkey). I limited the other items to veggie trays. No creamy potato salads and no pasta salads, both of which are absolute diet killers. My sister makes an awesome salsa, though. However, there is always an abundance of chips and pretzels at a barbecue, and now those are just sitting on my counter.

Add to that, there was Easter dinner yesterday, and I was invited to a Palm Sunday dinner last week. then during the week, I was on the go alot, so there was a lot of eating out. Needless to say, I didn't do so good this week. Have you ever felt like you were losing the same three pounds over and over again? I have looked at my posts since starting to blog here and realized I have been fluctuating between 275 and 272 most of the time. My trip to the scale today found me at 275 again. Over the next few weeks, I am sure I will lose down to 272 again, then end up messing up again. I really need to start thinking thin!

Well, back up on the horse ... time to drink water, stop eating and start exercising again ... and until Friday, I hope that you, gentle readers will do better than I have been. Anyone with a few ideas on how I can break the habit of mindless snacking, please drop a comment. I could use the help.

The Numbers Are In...

So, it's Monday and here I am. I had thought I might write something in between, but it was just one of those weeks. You know the kind..you have all the greatest intentions but somehow the week just gets away from you and before you know it it's Monday again. That was my week. I'm going to be honest here because if I can't be here than how can I be anywhere else?

This last week was not about weight loss or getting healthy. Monday was awesome. I watched my youngest son win his first wrestling match and I was so proud of how strong he was (he was wrestling with a beat up toe) and how healthy he was. Due to his athletics, he's the only one in the family who doesn't struggle with weight issues. 

Tuesday and Wednesday were just days. I got distracted from my water and didn't get in my ounces. Thursday came the news that the same healthy kid now had pink eye and a nasty cold. Somehow that stopped me in my tracks. I have no idea why. Friday came along and I picked up the boys but wasn't feeling 100% myself. Sure enough, by Saturday I had a similar cold and the sinus pressure has had my jaw/tooth aching ever since. Drinking cold liquids just makes it worse. Great excuse, right? Well no. There is such a thing as warm water. 

So, last week just didn't happen. I'm disappointed in myself but refuse to beat myself up for it. Life happens, mistakes happen. You just have to pick yourself back up, dust off your bottom and try to do better. Really that's all you can do. 

This week I've decided to add in a second goal. No, my water intake has been far from perfect but this is one that I think I can do without too much trouble. Sleep. The truth is that I have an odd sleep schedule. Well, most people who know me think it's odd anyway. I tend to stay up until 3am and then sleep until 10 or 11. I know that, in theory, that's 8 hours of sleep a night. The truth is that its not so much working for me anymore. I need to start adjusting that. When I sleep until 11, it doesn't give me time to ease into my day when I have to be out the door around 3:15pm. So, starting this week, I'm moving my bedtime up. I'm not doing it in major leaps because that just leads to me laying in bed staring at the ceiling. So, my goal for this week is to be in bed by 2:30am every night. 

Sleep and water. I can do this. Now to get rid of water retention and all the ick that goes along with being a girl...and this blasted sinus pressure. I can't live off of motrin alone.

Starting Weight: 288 lbs
Weekly Weight:  288 lbs (yes, I actually stepped on the scale this morning!)
Amount Lost/Gained: -----
Workouts: -----
Average Daily Water Intake: 30 oz (Seriously need to get back to this!)

Mamavation Monday: Where am I?

Image from the U of VA 

Where have you been I wish some had asked. Where are you now I wish some would ask. The truth is..I did just what so many others who have been put in the spotlight with Mamavation have done. I went off the radar. I don't know why. I love the group. I love their support. I love what they offer. But, for some reason, I went off the grid. I haven't linked up a post in over a month, I think. Yet, nobody contacted me to say, "Hey, are you ok? Why aren't you posting?" ..and that's ok. I'm pretty sure the reason why is that I was given an "automatic excusal" due to what's happening within my family.

The truth is..I don't know that I want an out. When given an out, it's so easy to take it and by taking it, I stop doing the work that needs to be done. Ok, not totally. I am still very aware of what needs doing. However, when taking the out, I give up more than I gain. I give up that support. It's that support that helps me through those days when all I want to do is curl up with an order of fries (not fast food ones, real fries) and a milkshake.

So, this weekend, I put out the call on my Facebook wall. I flat out said that anyone who wanted to could kick my butt and push me to get back to what I need to be doing. Already, Megan has poked me about my water intake. I totally missed her doing it yesterday but today, I saw it and it's in my head as I start my day. Megan cares that I drink my water and she cares about me. I won't let her down. Motivation and accountability can go hand in hand sometimes.

This week, I have the same busy schedule that I always do. In fact, it's a bit more because I'm slowly adding in pieces. Last week, I added back in writing this post. This week, I'm adding in linking it and using one of the dozen water bottles floating around this house. Step by step, I'm getting my life re-organized and back on track.

Happy End of the Year!

New Year coming, new ideas and new actions.  Over the past couple months, I haven't been taking care of myself the way I should be.  I have gained weight, and my blood sugar has been up.  So what are we going to do about all this?  Or better yet, what am I going to do about this?  Well, I am going to make one minor change ... and that is to move my weekly updates from Friday to Saturday.  There is no real health or weight loss reason for that, it is just for my personal convenience.
Secondly, I am going to start a food diary again.  I did this back when I was first diagnosed with Type II Diabetes, and I really need to do it again to get both my weight and my blood sugar under control.
Thirdly, I am going to have to change what I eat. I have bought some apples and oranges for snacks.  I will be buying more fresh fruits and veggies, too. Once a week, I used to eat a meal of rice and veggies for dinner, and I am going to start that back up too.  I am also going to give brown rice a try again.  I didn't like it the first few times I tried it, but I am going to give it a shot again.

Today's weigh-in, 279.8.
Morning Blood Sugar, 146

Luck and health to all of us in the coming year.

Pachacuti - The World Turned Upside Down

I haven't posted in a while, and really, I have no excuse.  I have reasons, but they are not, in retrospect, good reasons for missing my posts.  They tie in with my title today.  I taught Latin American history for a while, and there was an Inca Emperor named Pachacuteq, which means "he who shakes the earth".  As the Inca were invaded by the Spanish, pachacuti came to mean "the world turned upside down".  It referred to things being wrong and out of place, and that definitely describes my life over the past month give or take.

First:  I was under the assumption that seeking treatment for depression meant I would no longer have depressive episodes.  Nope, I was wrong.  I had a pretty major depressive episode over the past couple weeks, and have just in the past couple of days come out of it.  One of the things many of the people in my life don't understand is that when I have a depressive episode, I keep going.  I try to motor through it like a ship struggling through a storm instead of going around.  My depressive episodes don't really shut me down the way they do some people.  They do lead to other things ...

Second: I allowed myself to act like taking my pills for my diabetes was enough, and I didn't need to do anything else.  Diabetes requires a lifestyle change, and while I know that, and had been doing exactly that, during my depressive episode, I allowed myself to slip into some really bad habits food and exercise wise.  I stopped riding my exercise bike, I was eating ... alot.  It wasn't that I was eating necessarily unhealthy food, I was just eating a lot of it.  Even moderately healthy food causes weight gain if you eat too much of it.  Plus, not checking your blood sugar can lead to it going up because you aren't taking corrective action when it starts rising.

Third: I was just downright anti-social and embarrassed that I was gaining weight instead of losing.  'Nuff said.

So, that brings us to today.  I was up to 285.4 earlier this week, and this morning I am at 282.6.  I have over the past week, re-dedicated myself to riding my exercise bike on a regular basis, and I even got on the elliptical in the basement one day this week already.  I have kept a water bottle close at my side almost constantly, and I have started to more closely monitor my blood sugar.  Finally, I am exercising more portion control and cutting out the excessive eating.

Now all I have to do is stick with it while I am on Winter Break!

Post-Thanksgiving weigh in

274.4 ... that is a great number for me right now.  It is back where I was 2 weeks ago.  After spending the weekend visiting Katie for Thanksgiving (and an AWESOME turkey), I had to leave early to help fix a tenant's water heater.  So Sunday, I went hiking, and this morning after riding my exercise bike, I weighed in.

I'll see where this week takes me, but I had an ingrown nail cut out of my toe this afternoon, and I grabbed takeout on the way home, so that is not a good start to the week.  The toe hurts like heck right now, and I hope it won't slow me down too much this week.  Well, I will post on Friday and let you know how I fared.

What the .... ????

Hmmm ... 274.4 plus 3.4 equals 277.8.  And that leads me to my post title.  What the????  I haven't really done too much wrong this week.  Lets break it down, shall we?

First the good: I made it all five days this week.  I hopped on my exercise bike every day this week and rode for fifteen minutes each day.  WOOHOO!  Another good thing: my water consumption is up, about 48oz per day.  My short term goal is 60oz.

Now the bad: I ate out a few more times this week than I had for the past couple weeks.  I love Shrimp Fried Rice and Kowloon Chicken from Wong's Wok.  It took me a long time to get off the burgers, but now I need to find a better way to structure my food consumption of my new favorite fast food.  I know what the problem is: portion size ... they really load you up there.  If I were smart, I would bring a nice storage bowl and put half of it in there.  Oh, and if I eat out, I do it later in the day, so it throws my eating schedule off whack.

As the old saying goes, he knows what to do, he just doesn't do it.

Well, lets see what next week brings, shall we?

Does anyone know which way the numbers are supposed to go?

Clearly mine are going the wrong way. I have to say it's very frustrating to see a bounce like this. Normally I'm very optimistic and I'm going to continue to be. My weight is up this week, and next week it's going to be back down. I need to do better on the water again, since I was so busy at work last week, that I didn't do as well as I like to. Also I need to plan a little better on portions. Tonight is pork chops and I expect to have a start of a good week. How did you all do this week?



Today's weight: 359.2 +2.4 pounds

Gold Star

I did it!  I got on my exercise bike this morning and got in 15 minutes of riding.  This is my goal ... fifteen minutes each morning when I first wake up.  I understand that the first day of any exercise program is the hardest.  But than again, I am sure the econd day will be just as hard.