Monday, April 27, 2020

Weekly Update: Another Day at Home

Just when I think I'm handling all of this well, something happens that reminds me that I'm more sensitive right now to certain things than I might be otherwise. Yesterday, I popped into a friend's livestream. Nothing exciting there, right? Well, this is a friend who I'd been trying to have a one on one video chat with for a few days and he was always too busy to do it. Then, when I joked in the chat that I had been hoping to have that chat with him, he pointed out (to everyone) that this was a chat and it didn't always have to be about one on one and I was selfish. Now, he was joking. I knew he was joking, but it still hurt enough that I was in tears. I knew I was being sensitive and yet, maybe, at the same time, he was being insensitive. He talked about how if anyone needed something just like what I'd asked for, just to let him know. How come then he wasn't making it happen for me? I dunno. I don't want to dwell too much on it. It's probably best to just move on. Still though, it did show me that I'm lonelier than I realized and missing human connection.

I haven't seen "the man" since August and with everything that's going on, there's no knowing when we'll see each other again. With the stress of everything, he's gone quieter than usual and that's wearing a bit on me too. I'm not upset with him, just missing him tons. Our anniversary is coming up in July and it's looking less and less like we'll spend it together. I want us to be safe but man, this sucks.

One thing that doesn't suck are my kids. This weekend, at least for one night, I'll have them both here. It's so tough with everyone's schedule, but Roger will be finished with exams and Ben has a four day weekend off from work. I'll be picking Ben up on Thursday and then Roger on Saturday. I don't know if Dillon will come. I thought he was going to fit in with our family, but he doesn't seem to have much interest. That's his choice but I had hoped for something different.

So, I'll have the kids and that's something I'm looking forward to. I want to do a bit more house tidying before they get here. I'm really proud of what I have done, but I need to go back to former rooms and do maintenance. I don't know if I'll get much past there because I've had quite a few client jobs come in and I need to focus on those. I'm really thankful that I'm still working. So many folks aren't. Still, another stimulus isn't something I'd say no to. Money disappears quickly when you're feeding more than just yourself.

Now, that's a lot of paragraphs about me. How are all of you doing? Are you hanging in there? What good has happened for you during all of this? Please don't hesitate to leave a comment or reach out. After all, we're all in this together.

Monday, April 20, 2020

Weekly Update: Shopping, Grass, and Life

Sometimes the hardest thing about these posts is figuring out what to call them. Today I went with what's happening in my day. It started out with going to Walmart to pick up groceries. Nothing exciting there. People were doing pretty well with their social distancing and most people were wearing masks. I wasn't because the ones that I ordered won't be here until Thursday. I promise I'm not taking any of this lightly. It's just that I can only do what I can do.

After shopping, I picked up some lunch and came home. Woo. Talk about an exciting day, eh? Why the grass in the title? Mostly because mine badly needs to be mowed and it can't be. I can't mow and we're not allowed to hire lawn services right now. I totally get it, but man, my lawn is looking a bit jungle like already and it's not even the end of April. I don't want a lift of the restrictions too quickly though. Nobody needs a big spike of sickness and death.

Speaking of death, the man that I considered my best friend for ten years had to put his dog to sleep today and for some reason, I'm feeling a bit numb over the entire thing. I met the dog once and she was a grand pup. We got along famously. I think it's that I watched him replace humans with the dog. She was his best friend. She saved him. He couldn't live without her. It always worried me a little bit. Then, he got a girlfriend and even she posted today that the dog had his whole heart. A piece of me is jealous because she (the girlfriend) replaced me in his life. He no longer needed me. Part of that is due to how I reacted to the news that he was seeing someone seriously. It meant he'd broken a huge promise to me and I kinda lost it. His way of dealing with things is to just not deal with them so I got put onto a shelf. I've been there for a good six months or more at this point and it sucks. I miss him desperately, but all attempts at reaching out to him have been ignored. I haven't been able to figure out how to move on. He broke my heart and I know that today his is broken too. I know that I should feel bad for him, but I'm numb to it...perhaps as a way to protect myself because I know that if I reached out to him again and he ignored me, that it'd hurt me all over again. Deep down though, I mourn along with him. I mourn for the loss of his friendship and I mourn for the loss of something that the truly loved without exception.

Deep breath, right? Let's think about something happier. I've been thinking about starting some seeds. I have a lot of seeds, pots, and three unused bags of garden soil. Seems like a good time to start looking at new life, right? I just have to decide if I want to do flowers, veggies, or a mix of the two. I think I have seeds for both. It'd help clean off my messy front porch and as things come up, it'd cheer up the space.

Speaking of cheering up spaces, I've been working more on the house. The bathroom is looking good. It just needs a couple touches and I've gotten through half of the living room. Sadly, my Dyson died, but Ben had gotten me a new vacuum (for use upstairs) for Christmas, so I'm not totally out a vacuum and this little Bissell is doing a great job. My goal is to finish the living room before Roger comes back in two weeks. Seeing the clean space has really helped keep my spirits up. My one big issue is not having enough room for books. I have a ton of books. The other problem is that there's nowhere to really store the things that I'm going to be getting rid of. I think once I get the freezer emptied and either moved out to the barn or sold, maybe I can stack the bags there. At least it's outside the regular living space. Eventually things will open up again and I can load up the car and drop it all off. No using things being closed as an excuse for living in a less than happy place. I'm taking today off while Ben and I catch up on some tv off the dvr. Tomorrow out next section of living room!

Monday, April 13, 2020

Weekly Update: New Laptop

Happy Monday, everyone! We made it through another week. Not a lot new here except for the device I'm tapping away on this morning. After dealing with a slower than slow and often not responding laptop, I took the income from two projects and bought myself a brand new laptop. It's an Acer Aspire and so far, so good. I'm sure I'll find things that I haven't thought to install on it but so far, I'm just enjoying the speed that I can get things done.

Let's far as house cleaning goes, I have two small areas in the bathroom to do. I had missed them when I created my to do list. I also have a few things to do in the laundry room. I've been waiting for the trash company to bring me a new trash can which they still haven't done. I'm tired of putting it off and since Roger is here with me this week, I can have him haul the bags out to the curb. It's not ideal, but it'll be done.

Next on the house cleaning list is the living room. It's a total tip. The biggest problem is books. There are so many books in this room and nowhere to put them. I can't put them anywhere else in the house because the shelves are all full. I know I should/could purge some of them, but that doesn't help much because the library is closed so I can't put them on the free shelf. Someone suggested stocking the little free libraries but we don't have one here in the village. I could put them in a box on the front porch and just say free...but I'm not in love with the idea of people wandering up to the house. I guess this is something still to brainstorm.

Other than that, not much has been happening. Well, we did move Roger out of his dorm on Friday. By we, I mean me, his girlfriend, and him. His dad and stepmom couldn't be bothered to help. Oh well, it gave me more time with them which is nice. Plus, it's one of those things that he'll remember. I've tried telling his dad about those moments, but his dad doesn't feel like it matters. Ahh well. His loss.

So, all in all, things are going okay here. My spirits are good today which is nice because I was down there for a bit. It's always easier when I'm not here alone. I know a lot of you are feeling that right now. It sucks. This whole thing is taking its toll on all of us. Hang in there though. It won't last forever and we'll come out of this stronger than ever. I believe in us, even on the rough days.

Until next week...

Monday, April 6, 2020

Weekly Update: Migraine (Ouch!)

Hi, all! I don't know how long this post is going to be. I woke up this morning with a migraine which is putting everything that I had planned for today on hold. Have to take care of myself though, right? That and if I don't take some downtime, it'll just get worse and that is certainly something that I can live without.

So, how are all of you doing? Tired of being on lockdown? Sick of every video game that you own? Can't concentrate on reading? Yeah, I get that. A friend of mine and I just went back to playing Everquest 2 and I'm so glad that he decided to. It gives me something to do and some social time with him because we chat as we play. I hope it holds his interest for a while because it's really helping me get through this time.

I have been trying to read, but man, it's just hard to hold focus like that. It's good for me though. As a writer, I feel like I should be supporting other writers. I just started a book called When the Stars Fade. The prologue was pretty good so hopefully the book is too. I do love the title. I have a tough time creating titles. I wonder how many other people do too...

Speaking of doing what others are doing, I've also been cleaning my house. I think I mentioned that last week. So far, I've worked on the laundry room and the bathroom. This week is all about finishing those two rooms and maintaining them. Maintaining seems really hard for me sometimes, but I'm enjoying the freshness of those spaces and would like to keep them that way.

The toughest part is not being able to get rid of stuff that I want to donate. Nothing is open for donations so the bags keep building up inside of my house which doesn't help anything. Heck, I can't even return my cans and bottles to the store. It's frustrating because each of those trash bags is taking up valuable real estate inside of my house. Maybe if I can get more clearing done, I can find a place to stash the bags until all of this is over. It's an idea anyway.

I'm going to look over my list and see if I can't find a couple of low key cleaning things on it to try to tackle today, but I want you to know that I'm here and you can reach out to me any time. We're all in this together.

Welcoming Weight Loss   © 2008. Template Recipes by Emporium Digital