Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Fit For Good

Good morning and Happy Tuesday! I swear that I almost typed Monday there. That's not a good sign, but I'm going to just laugh and keep going. No use dwelling on how little time I have this week!

So, how is everyone else doing out there? I know a few of you stop by to read this crazy thing and you're on my mind today. I hope life is treating you well and that you're kicking ass and having an amazing time doing it.

As for me, I'm doing pretty well. I took Sunday off, but other than that, I have now officially been out walking for 7 days now. I've been making my tiny goal of 3,000 steps each day, no matter what my Fitbit says. Seriously. My Fitbit hasn't been properly registering my inside the house steps so my total for yesterday, according to it, was 2,999. I know I got more than that since I walked from the kitchen to the bathroom to the living room after that. Crazy thing! Still, if it says I made my goal it just means I've gotten at least a few more than that. That makes me happy.

Let's see...what else is happening here? There's the usual stuff of trying desperately to catch up on housework, helping Ben with homework and running Geek-o-Rama. On top of that, I have a convention appearance coming up that I'm trying to prepare for and I was just hired to do some paid work for someone. All of this is super exciting, but keeping me super busy! Did I mention that my ex-husband *just* texted me to ask if I were going to some band parents' meeting that I knew nothing about and happens to be tonight? No problem. I'm supermom, superme and sometimes it feels as if I'm challenging the universe. One more thing? No problem. I don't need to sleep, eat, or any of that stuff normal humans do...

Seriously though, life is insanely busy right now which means that fitting in my walks is even more important. It would be so incredibly easy to just let it slip, but I'm finding that for the first time in a very long time, I don't want to let it slip. I won't lie. I considered it Saturday when we were sitting at a swim meet all day long. Instead, I talked to Ben about it and during diving we did little things like taking a walk out to the car to get a notebook so that we could make a shopping list. We walked around the pool deck a little bit and we made that goal. In fact, we beat it by something like 700 steps. I'm pretty proud of us and here's the thing... If I can do this when the weather is turning blech and life keeps throwing things at me, I can do this when it's easier. Trial by fire and all of that. I just need to get through these next couple of weeks so that I can create a workout space within the house for when the snow starts flying.

For now though, I'm going to sign off and get to work. Have an amazing day, darlings and feel free to say hi now and again!

Oh! I never explained today's graphic! Fitbit is doing this really awesome thing where they're donating money to some awesome charities and the charity with the most steps attached to it gets the highest amount! So, not only are you getting healthier by getting out and walking, but you're also helping others. Since I'm already walking, I'm using this as a bit of extra motivation. If you have a Fitbit, you should check it out! Look for #FitForGood

Double oh! I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday where my weight is going to be the major topic of conversation. My doctor has flat out told me that she doesn't think I can lose weight on my own and wants me to go to this place where essentially they're checking to see if you're a good candidate for surgery. Surgery isn't on my agenda so finger's crossed she can see that there's a difference! Not to mention, I'm thinking treatment for my anemia would be a darn good thing.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Ripples Make Waves

I totally confess to stealing this title from Nick. He's been saying it to me all week and now it's just plain stuck in my head. Honestly, I'm not sure how accurate it is because I haven't had time to do the scientific research behind it, but no matter, it sounds good and motivational, right?

Still, while I don't know about how this actually works in water, I do know how this works in life. I've seen it in my own life. Clean a section of counter and the next thing you know, the entire counter is clean. Counter clean? Next thing you know, so is the stove... it starts with one small thing and you just keep going with it.

So, after talking with Nick about what he's doing (I'm so lucky he's one of my nearest and dearest people on this planet) and then reading his blog post about it, I decided this could be the thing that I need to help kick start me into gear. I suppose that it doesn't hurt that I have a competitive streak and every day when Nick posts his results, I have two reactions. The first? I'm thrilled for him and proud of him for the work that he's putting in. The second? I'm pretty sure I nearly growl to see him outdoing me. Seriously.

Here's the thing though. I know that Nick and I are in two different spots on this journey. Don't tell him this, but he's not even grossly overweight. Me? I'm beyond grossly overweight. I'm at the "at risk" and beyond section of the chart. He's also already getting in some movement at work and such. My movement is to the couch where I sit and work. There's no need for me to do more than that for me to get my work accomplished. So, honestly, there's no comparison. We're starting at different points...still, seeing his numbers pushes me to get my numbers done. I have no idea what his actual step count goal is for each day, but I know he said he's been making it. I do know what mine is and in the 4 days that I've been walking, I've made it once.

Here's the thing though...I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm going to celebrate every single day's number. Why? Because a week ago, I was getting maybe a few hundred steps in a day. This week, I've gotten outside at least once a day for a walk and my numbers have looked like this:

Monday: 1,645 steps
Tuesday: 4,426 steps
Wednesday: 2,525 steps
Thursday: 2,070 steps (so far)

That's huge. It really is. Even today when I woke up feeling blech due to sinus drainage, I got up, I got dressed and I went for my walk. It was good. I do think I'm going to have to find some podcasts or something to listen to though. This is a small village and seeing the same things every day isn't keeping my attention. I can do that though.  I can do this. I am doing this.

Next week when I go see Dr. Chermak, I hope I can see the results. I don't have a scale here at home anymore since my last one broke and I haven't had the money to replace it. So, for now, I'm reliant on the doctor's office scale. If nothing else, it will give me a starting point number. Still, I want to show her that she was wrong. I can do this without surgical intervention or putting myself on some sort of liquid diet. I can do this. I can get outside and walk and when the weather turns too icky for that, I can put in a dvd and do that. Right now, I'm making ripples...tiny changes...but those tiny changes can change my life if I let them.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Making Changes

For too long, I've taken my life and my health for granted. Sure, there have been periods where I've made some vague effort and there was a period where I made a solid effort and oh my gosh, I felt so much better physically and even emotionally.

Then, as we all know, I not only dropped the ball, but I then kicked it into the neighbor's yard. You know, the one who has the dog like the one in Sandlot? The yard that has the high fence, the scary dog, and you're terrified to step one foot into it? Yep, for the past few years, that's where my ball has been and for whatever reason, I've been terrified to go and get my ball back.

A few months ago, I decided that it was time to creep around the yard to see if I could find a way in. I cut soda out of my life and I tried to increase my water intake. I don't know if it's helped any, but it certainly hasn't hurt.

Then, just over a week ago, I went and had my yearly blood work done and the results terrified me. Not only was I anemic (brought on by an ugly depo-provera reaction where I have an over the top heavy period that lasted a month straight), but I'm also borderline diabetic. Granted, that result could be from the anemia, but is it really worth that risk?

So, after a few days of meltdowns and panicking, I decided that it was time to step a foot over the boundary line and into the yard and to find my ball. After all, drool covered or not, it's my ball, not someone else's. Nobody else can fix this for me. This is something that I have to do for myself. I need to pick up the ball, wipe off the dust, drool, and anything else that's collected on it and relearn how to handle it.

What does all this ball talk mean? It means that I've recommitted to keeping soda out of my life and out of the house. I've been limiting myself to one a week and sometimes I don't have any. I've been drinking more water. It's still not enough but any is better than the none that I was doing. I've walked into my kitchen and I've started cleaning it up so that it can be used properly. When I went shopping this past weekend, I created a meal plan in advance and stuck with my list.

I was and am proud of all of those inchings into the yard, but yesterday, for the first time in a very long time, I didn't inch. I took an actual step. Instead of just having a meal plan and ignoring it, I followed it. I unloaded groceries from the car, I washed up what I needed and I made a rather tasty Indian Curry for dinner last night. Other than the tomato paste, there wasn't a single processed ingredient in it. Even the sauce was made from scratch. It had veggies in it and things that are good for a person to eat. After dinner, I even packaged up the leftovers and washed up the dishes. This, I am incredibly proud of.

You see, it's incredibly easy for me to become overwhelmed and instead of running with the ball, I just kind of nudge it along and then forget about it under a bush or something. Except last night, even when something else was overwhelming and upsetting me, I didn't. I followed through. I followed through and now have delicious lunches for the rest of the week.

Then today, I took another step and instead of driving to the post office, I walked there and then came back the longer route. It's not huge, but it was .69 miles that I walked instead of drove. The weather was warm, the leaves crunchy underfoot and I feel all the better for doing it. Small changes. 15-20 minute a day changes, but pretty soon I'll be seeing just what I can do with that ball and with my life...the life I want to be around for.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Still Kicking

I bet you'd just about given up on me, but don't. I'm still here. Life got incredibly busy once school started and on top of that, when I started back on my medication, I got nailed with the insomnia side effect. I could live with that except this is highly specialized. I fall asleep just fine, but I can't seem to sleep for more than 3 hours at any point. I'll be honest. It's left me incredibly tired and things around here have been slipping some.

Still, it's not been all bad. I'm happy to say that I've done well giving up soda. I think it's been about a month since I've had more than a mouthful. I haven't switched totally to water, but I'm certainly getting more in than I was before. I'm certainly a work in progress, but for the first time in a long time, I feel as if I'm worth the work.

There's a long way to go. I'd like to lose somewhere around 160 pounds or more before this journey is done, but I know that day by day, I can do this. I'm not rushing things. I'm taking tiny baby steps. My doctor won't be happy because it's not her pace, but that's life. I have to do this how it works for me or I'm just setting myself up for failure.

So, what's the next step? I've cut out the soda and I've actually gotten much better about eating breakfast each morning. Those were my first two goals. My next goal continues with the drinks line. I'm going to work on making things like sweetened teas (bottled varieties) a rare treat not a regular part of my diet while at the same time, continuing to increase my water intake. I'd like to get back up to the point where I'm drinking about 100 ounces of water a day. I have my water bottle. I just have to keep filling it and drinking it. I have the tools, now it's up to me to do the work.

At this point, I have no idea what I'm weighing in at so I don't know if anything I've done has made a change weight wise. I need to get a new scale. It seems that mine has given up. Still, I know that the decisions that I'm making may not create immediate changes, but they're good for me in the long term.

....and most importantly....I can do this.

Monday, August 31, 2015

Good Intentions

I had the best of intentions tonight. I got off the phone after talking to a friend about how I'm wanting to use an upcoming trip to England (September 2016) as motivation for me to get healthier. After all, travelling and tourism is much easier if you're smaller and healthier. Just talking about it, got me excited and so I decided that instead of waiting until tomorrow when I'll drive past my mailbox, I was going to get my shoes on and walk down there.

Yay for good intentions! Boooooo for the ten gazillion mosquitoes that were outside waiting for me! Holy heck, Batman! I stepped off the front porch and got about halfway down the block. I was thinking, "You know, it's really nice out tonight. Maybe instead of just down and back, I'll go up a block and get a bit more walking in."  I got about four more steps and the mosquito attack began. I was swatting and smacking and smearing and generally not enjoying myself. As I paused to open the mailbox, they took advantage and started attacking. I managed to get the junk mail (dang it, no books!) out and started hurrying back up the road. It didn't matter though. They were determined that I was going to be their next meal. I looked at the back of my arm at one point and had no less than ten of them on me. They were swarming all around me and as much as I wanted that walk, I wanted to be away from them more.

But hey..maybe I only made it there and back, but that's a great step in the right direction! I could have waited until tomorrow and stopped by in the car, but I didn't. I know it's small but hey, as people keep telling me, single steps start journeys and that's what this is. It's not a race. It's a journey.

So, instead of driving to the mailbox, I'll start walking and I'm also going to be working on kicking my soda habit. It's gotten really bad and I know why. Sugars = woohoo to the brain which when you're bipolar 2, the brain gets very happy about. I need to stop though. It's not healthy for me and getting the water back into my diet will help with a lot of things.

Day #2 - I've got this. ;)

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Starting Over... Again

I've lost track of how many times I've started and stopped this dang blog and taking care of myself. Honest to goodness. I don't even have a clue now. I swear that I write a post and suddenly nearly a year zips by and here I am again.

Now, here's the part where I tell you this time will be different..yada yada yada.. but the truth is, it may not be. Of course, it may also be. Who knows, right? A lot has changed for me over the past few years and I haven't really told anyone this, but my doctor is really on my case about my weight. I have to go back and see her in about two months and I know that she's going to ask me if I went to the weight loss clinic (which I have no intention of really going to because the want to shove a liquid diet in my face and prepare me for surgery). The reality is that I know I can do this on my own. I don't need a liquid diet or fancy surgeries. I need to deal with the core of my issues, why I eat and why I eat what I eat.

I need to take care of me and this is the area that keeps coming to mind. You see, every year, on my birthday, I choose a goal to work on for the following year. I've done mental health, physical health (namely the issues with my sinuses) and other things. There is only one real criteria. They have to be specifically for me. They're not allowed to be about anyone else, not even the boys. This year, I've been going round and round with two things and my weight is one of them. The other is my dental health. I have terrible teeth. I always have and on top of that, as part of my omg I'm overwhelmed by life thing, I got out of the habit of taking care of them.

So, this year, I've decided to be a bit of an overachiever, and yet, they all tie into each other. Here's the other thing..other than here and at Life With Katie, I don't really intend on posting about this or even talking about it. I'm doing this for me and any posts about it will be done for me. That probably sounds more selfish than I usually am or perhaps as if I don't feel as if I need support. I can't really comment on the first one other than to say well yes...but that's the point of this. To "selfishly" do something for me. As for the second point? Well, here's the thing..writing tons of posts here is great and I will always welcome and appreciate any comments, but I am truly blessed right now with some great people in my life and I know that if I need them, I can turn to them.

Now...I've mentioned multiple goals and I'm going to lay them out here, even though only one is really specific to this blog...

1. Weight Loss - I currently weigh in at approximately 310 pounds. I'm not going to put a number goal on an entire year, but I'd like to get down to where I have more energy and I'm generally healthier again.

2. Dental Health - Taking better daily care of my teeth and then getting myself to the dentist for help with the rest, even if I am terrified and I know it's not going to be pretty.

3. Taking Better Care of Me - This is #1 and #2 combined as well as little things like finding a way to get a hair cut when I need one, taking time to relax with a game or a book or whatever fits my fancy, and who knows, maybe even bringing back Time for Me Thursday for the other site. I just need to take better care of me...This also includes continuing to work on my over thinking/over worrying/over stressing issues.

4. Creating a Home - Last but just as important as the others is the continued work on my house. In the past month, I've hauled out a ton of trash and almost as much to donate to Goodwill. I want to continue on that path until I have a home that I'm proud of and don't mind inviting people over to. I want to get it to the point where if Phil comes around, we don't have to go to a hotel unless that's what we want to do. I want the boys and I to be able to both use and relax in the space.

There we go. My four goals for the coming year. Technically my birthday isn't until September 23rd, but I honestly couldn't think of a reason to wait. Instead, I'm starting with this post. Pretty soon I'll write up one for the other site, but for now, this is going to be our little secret...me and anyone who may wander across this post.

For tonight, I'm starting with all of the goals in a really simple manner. I'm going to go into the bathroom, wash my face, brush my teeth, and while I'm in there, I'm going to clean the mirror. If I do some little thing every time I walk in there, the room will be looking fantastic in no time and it will make me smile to walk in there. Smiling when I walk in there will lead to a more relaxed, happier me. Sometimes everything feeds into some other thing.

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