Monday, February 27, 2012

Mamavation Monday : Stuck in my Head

For the past three days, I've had a song stuck in my head. At first, I didn't mind. It was an amusing little song and I wasn't doing anything that required my brain to work all that hard on anything else.

This morning, I woke up and the song was gone. I didn't mind because I have 2-3 blog posts that I write on Mondays and it's much easier to write when my mind is clear. Then, I answered my phone and someone..I won't name names though he knows who he is..mentioned the song. It was ok. It still wasn't stuck in my head..yet. Then, I asked him what he thought I ought to write about here because I was drawing a blank. His response? The name of that blasted song. Now, it's stuck in my head on never ending repeat.

Does this ever happen to you? Do you get something stuck in your head and you just can't seem to get rid of it? It happens to me quite a bit. It's not just songs. Sometimes it's a phrase that I hear over and over again. Sadly, that phrase is rarely something positive. It's usually..You can't because ...or Nobody takes you seriously...or What makes you think you can do.... Just like a song on never ending repeat, I hear those words over and over again in my head.

What makes it stop? I do. I've found that after a while, I get tired of the negative voices and I start an internal dialogue that goes something like this:

NV (negative voice): "What makes you think anyone will take you seriously?"
Me: "So what if they don't? They certainly won't if I listen to you and don't even try."
NV: "They're going to laugh at you. You'll be a big joke."
Me: "I'd rather be a joke than an unknown. We all have to start somewhere."
NV: "You should start by realizing this won't work."
Me: "You should start by being quiet. I'm doing this. I can and will do this. If I fail, then I fail. At least I tried. Nothing gets done by doing nothing."
NV: "Fine, but don't say I didn't tell you."
Me: "Fine. Now go away. I have work to do."

Yeah, it's not always the most adult conversations that occur inside my head. That's ok though. What matters is I tell negative me to go take a nap so that I can accomplish what I want to accomplish. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I may not be someone that everybody knows but I'm someone special to some pretty great people. I don't need to be a big name blogger to make a difference. I just need to be me. I just need to take those babysteps to follow my dreams. I can do this and so can you.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Mamavation Monday: Dark Times

It is with a heavy heart that I write today's post. Usually, I'm upbeat and insert humor into most everything I write, but today, I'm just not sure that I'm able to do this.

You see, I spent Saturday with my grandmother and she's starting to fade away. It breaks my heart and knowing what's to come makes me thankful for every moment of every day that I've had with her. I'm thankful that she got to know my boys and they got to know her.

Yet, I mourn for her already. It breaks my heart that I'll be losing a mother, my boys a grandmother and that the world will be a darker place without her vibrant spirit in it. The coming weeks and perhaps months will be hard. I will be spending a lot of it at her house, sorting through her things and helping her in any way that I can. I won't be around here as much as I have been.

It's with that knowledge that I know I have to make some changes. Something has to give. I'm not giving up this journey. She wouldn't want me to and it's a journey that people are starting to notice. My uncle noticed on Saturday and it made me feel good to know that it's starting to show, that it hasn't all been in my imagination.

So, my friends, if I'm not here for a bit, I hope that you know it's not's merely until next time. I will be back and I will be posting for as long as it's realistically possible. I will be stepping down from leadership, not because I want to, but because I can't dedicate myself to it the way it deserves to be. I hope that someone will step into my shoes and that the comment love team will continue to be filled with amazing women. I love this group and I love those who are a part of it. I'm not saying goodbye. I will be back as soon as I can be.

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