First Weigh In

I did it. I stripped down to just my socks and underwear this morning and I weighed myself. I promised Justin that no matter what number was on that scale, I wasn't going to freak out. It was just a starting number and that number was going to change. I had hoped that somehow the number hadn't risen from way back in August. I told myself that it probably had. It did. It jumped way back up. Today, I weigh more than I ever have in my entire life and I'll admit it, I'm fighting back the tears. I don't want to believe it. I want to make excuses like the scale was sitting on carpet or it's because I'm on my period. I can't do that though. I need to face reality. I weigh nearly 300 pounds. There, I said it. God, that is such a scary big number. It's hard to even look at it on the screen. I need to make changes. I'm trying to take it slow and steady..one babystep at a time, but it's hard. I want the weight gone now. I want to be down into a healthy weight range for my body. I can't even make myself figure out what that number is because I know that will overwhelm me and I'll give up. I have to take this one pound at a time. I have to take this one day at a time. I need to Master one area and then I can move on to the next. If I try to change too much at once, I'm setting myself up to fail. I need to keep working on my water intake. I've been doing really well with getting in those 4 glasses every day. Now, it's time to start working on making it 4.5. That's right, just a half of a glass of water more each day. I can do this. I can get healthy. I. Can. Do. This.

Mamavation Monday - Wellness

Ok, it's official. I'm going to be brave and pledge to be a Mamavation Sista. I do hope that I'm doing this right, but if I'm not, I'm sure they'll all forgive me. So far, I've had nothing but positive interactions with the ladies over on the Twitter hashtag. They seem like a really great group of mamas. So, I'm voting babystep 1 (check out the Twitter gals) a success.

This post is babystep 2. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. I think I finally found the support that I've been needing all along. Now, if I could just get my brain to work enough to write this fabulous post that I know the world is waiting for! My poor brain is wrapped up in my ex-husband's business and how it's going to affect my boys.

However, just that one sentence reminded me of why I'm doing this. I'm doing it so that I can be a better mom to those two fantastic boys. I'm doing it to feel better about myself and so that my asthma doesn't prevent me from being the best possible mom to them. I'm doing it because pretty soon (like this week) their world is going to explode and they need a healthy and happy mom to help pick up the pieces. Plus, I'm doing it for me. I'm tired of going to the doctors and having their skinny little selves tell me that my weight is the problem, even when it's not and they're using it as a lazy way to do their jobs. I want to be taken seriously and sometimes I feel like my weight prevents that.

So, here I am. My first Mamavation Monday post. I've only been following the group for less than a week now, but it's already helped me. This past week, or so, I've been doing so much better with my water intake. I haven't gone past 64oz a day (of water) but each day, it's getting easier and easier to drink those 64oz and sometimes other drinks (tonight I made a smoothie).

My goals for this coming week are simple. I want to get 64oz of water in each day. I also want to add in one day of exercise, that isn't snow shoveling. We're supposed to get hit hard starting sometime tomorrow night and going all the way into Wednesday night. Without a doubt, I will be out there shoveling at least twice.

I know that my biggest struggle for this coming week is going to be making myself get up off the couch and putting in the workout dvd and doing it. I'm going to make every excuse not to do it. I will do it though. I will also shovel that snow and continue on catching up on laundry which means some stair climbing is in my future.

Most of all, I'm looking forward to learning more about Mamavation and getting to know the ladies involved so much better than I've had the chance to do so up until now. I'm so thankful for the support they've already given me and I can't wait to be able to give back to them in the same way.

---- Mamavation Monday Question ----
From my understanding, each week there will be a new question. This week's question is brought to the group by Earth Footwear.

 What does “wellness” mean to you?


Wellness is an all encompassing word to me. There are so many types of wellness. There is the physical wellness that includes healthy living and good health. There is also emotional wellness. Quite often when we're not physically well, it leads to us being mentally unwell. I've been both (Nobody panic, I'm not psychotic! I just sometimes suffer from depression.) and am working hard now to become someone who is healthy and happy. I'd love to go for healthy, wealthy and happy but one step at a time, right? I want to be "well."

Water Intake

Ok, I'm not really allergic to water but for some reason, this "comic" amused me. I've actually been doing really well this week on getting enough water in. Even though I haven't dived 100% into the Mamavation Sistahood (that still cracks me up because..well, because I just don't say stuff like sista.), I find their tweets to be so motivating! I love that they cheered me on yesterday when the only exercise I got was grocery shopping. They're right though, every step counts!

So, like I said, I've been doing well with my water intake. I'm averaging 4 glasses of water a day. I guess I should tell you that when I say a glass, it's actually a 16 ounce University of Michigan glass. I love this glass because we (my friend Jim and I) actually bought it in a thrift store in Cheektowaga, New York. It's a constant reminder of a fun day out with a friend.

I do have a couple of questions about drinking all of this water, though.  I wonder if anyone else has noticed the "issues" that I have. Like, for example, has anyone started drinking a lot more water than they used to and all of a sudden they feel dehydrated all of the time? That's part of what's happening with me. I've upped my average daily water intake to approximately 64oz a day and now, once I start drinking water, I feel constantly thirsty. Is this normal? Is my body now like oh my gosh, she's drinking it, let's get as much in us as we can before she changes her mind?

Which leads to my second issue, water "hoarding". Ever since I started drinking more water, my hands have been all puffy, like they're retaining water. Is this similar to the always thirsty issue where my body is saving it up just in case I stop drinking it? If that's the case, how long does it do this before it says ok, she's going to keep going so we can shed some of this? I hope it's soon or that maybe it's somehow (though seemingly unlikely) related to the fact that I'm probably pms'ing some.

Either way, I'm not giving up. I'm actually feeling really good about my water intake and who knows, 64oz is the minimum so maybe soon I'll be adding in a 5th glass every day! Oh, plus, I totally splurged yesterday and bought The Biggest Loser - Power Walk dvd.  It was $9 at Walmart and while I probably shouldn't have spent that (money is well seemingly always in a negative balance around here), I did want to get something to help with the exercise portion when I add that in.

As for now, I'm off to grab a bowl of Grape Nuts before I fill my water glass for the first glass of the day!

~katie~

Wanted: Healthy snack recipes for kids and adults, alike. Also, if you're looking to "rehome" any exercise dvds, Wii games or anything of that nature, please consider me.

Faith

Wow, I want to start this entry off by thanking the folks who stopped by yesterday to give me some encouragement. That's just the kind of motivation I need to go from no way to yes, I can do this. I hope that everyone will keep coming back and maybe even a few more of the Mamavation Sistas will stop by. I feel so gangster when I say Sistas..I think it must be my small midwest town gal thing going on. I like it though...*grins*

So, I'm going to do it. Ok, I'm going to babystep my way up to pledging to the Mamavation Sisterhood. I'm going to start by using their Twitter hashtag and getting to know some of the women better. I'm also going to start checking out the Monday Mamavation posts. That's something I'll be posting here and well, since I'm already posting, that shouldn't be too much of a stretch, right? I think I'm also going to check out the Monday night TV thing that they have online. I'm taking this time to babystep into the "full program" and to learn more about what it is that they do as I go. I do have to say I'm envious of the Sears Fitness equipment that the lovely ladies who are the Mamavation Mamas right now got today! It looks so nice!

That's one of my problems. I know that I need to add exercise into my life at some point  but I'm not sure how I'm going to accomplish that. Financially, I just cannot afford anything, not even a workout video. What I would really love is a fitness program for our Wii. We bought a used system at Gamestop so it didn't come with the balance board or anything like that. This would, at least, allow me to do something indoors until the weather warms up enough that I can get outside and walk. The money just isn't there though, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I live in the middle of nowhere, Michigan (I can't say Podunk because it turns out there really is a Podunk, Michigan) and so we don't have a community pool or fitness center. I need to come up with something, though. I know that exercise is going to be key in losing weight and improving my health.

~katie~

PS Still looking for healthy snack ideas and recipes. If you have one, please don't hesitate to comment! My body and my boys will thank you!

Am I Ready?

So, this has been the question that's on my mind today. I reconnected with Angela over at Nine More Months today on Twitter and found out that she's one of the current Mamavation Mamas at Mamavation.com. I'm so excited for her but it sure got me thinking. To be a part of that site, you have to be super serious about weight loss. I skimmed the site and became totally overwhelmed. She suggested I just watch their Twitter feed and I have been doing that and I think it's great how those ladies are supporting each other.

But, am I ready? Am I ready to jump into those kind of changes? Would I even know how? Or would they accept me if I'm babystepping my way to better habits? Am I only babystepping this slow because I'm afraid that if I try to go all out and I fail that I'll never try again?

I know that I need to feel as if I'm not in this battle/journey alone and maybe this group of wonderful ladies could help with that side of things. I also know that part of my problem is that I'm letting my fear get in the way of what I need to be doing. I've been a bit down at times this week and that always leads to me looking for a snack and there wasn't really anything healthy in the house.  Then again, what counts as a healthy snack? I really don't know. I want to provide healthy snacks for the boys and for myself, but I really don't know what that includes.

Maybe that's another area that I can start working on. I'm still working on my water intake. I haven't mastered getting in my 4 glasses every day but I am averaging at least 2-3 every day. I'm proud of me for that. Now, I need to figure out if I can get past my fears and jump into these changes with everything I have.

Today's Water Intake: 2 glasses

Welcome back, me?

It's been something like 5 months since I wrote here and let me say, I have no idea what I weigh, but I know that I put back on every ounce that I lost. I really need to do better and get on the ball with this. I'm fighting myself though. I'm going through a round of depression with some serious concerns over finances and J still stuck down in Arizona. He's been trying to find a job up here for almost 2 years and nothing. It's gotten to the point where me moving to Arizona is back on the table and neither of us is happy about that. It would mean leaving my boys behind again unless their dad would let them come with me and really, that's just not all that realistic. Plus, I just applied to grad school and if I go to Arizona, it means putting that off for another 2 years while I establish residency. Ugh! So, what happens when I get depressed and stressed out? Well, I eat more for one thing. Plus, I eat more garbage. Suddenly, I don't want to cook for myself. It's just too much effort so I start eating cereal and pb&j by the ton. So not good.

I need to do this. I need to lose weight. I know that financially I can't afford a fitness program or weight watchers or anything like that. Heck, the only exercise I might get for now will come from Wii bowling (we don't have a Wii fit or balance board) and maybe that yoga dvd I bought ages ago and have made every excuse why I can't do it "right now."  Walking outside is out because it's sooooo cold out there and I don't have the money to buy proper winter gear that would allow me outside for extended periods of time.

On a better note, I do have plenty of grocery money each month (thank you state of Michigan) and there's plenty of tap water in them there pipes. I just need to make healthier meal choices and I'm sure that portion control is a major thing I need to work on.

So, I'm back. I doubt any of the others will post here, but I'm here. Hopefully by working with Kathleen over at A Better Second Half, I can get motivated and become the beautiful, healthy woman that I want to be. If you haven't checked out her blog yet, please do so. She's such an inspiration and while we don't know each other personally, I'm sure hoping that we can become friends and push and motivate one another.

Weight:
Water Intake: 5 glasses yesterday
Days Without Soda: 7
Today's Water Goal: 5 glasses