Monday, April 20, 2020

Weekly Update: Shopping, Grass, and Life

Sometimes the hardest thing about these posts is figuring out what to call them. Today I went with what's happening in my day. It started out with going to Walmart to pick up groceries. Nothing exciting there. People were doing pretty well with their social distancing and most people were wearing masks. I wasn't because the ones that I ordered won't be here until Thursday. I promise I'm not taking any of this lightly. It's just that I can only do what I can do.

After shopping, I picked up some lunch and came home. Woo. Talk about an exciting day, eh? Why the grass in the title? Mostly because mine badly needs to be mowed and it can't be. I can't mow and we're not allowed to hire lawn services right now. I totally get it, but man, my lawn is looking a bit jungle like already and it's not even the end of April. I don't want a lift of the restrictions too quickly though. Nobody needs a big spike of sickness and death.

Speaking of death, the man that I considered my best friend for ten years had to put his dog to sleep today and for some reason, I'm feeling a bit numb over the entire thing. I met the dog once and she was a grand pup. We got along famously. I think it's that I watched him replace humans with the dog. She was his best friend. She saved him. He couldn't live without her. It always worried me a little bit. Then, he got a girlfriend and even she posted today that the dog had his whole heart. A piece of me is jealous because she (the girlfriend) replaced me in his life. He no longer needed me. Part of that is due to how I reacted to the news that he was seeing someone seriously. It meant he'd broken a huge promise to me and I kinda lost it. His way of dealing with things is to just not deal with them so I got put onto a shelf. I've been there for a good six months or more at this point and it sucks. I miss him desperately, but all attempts at reaching out to him have been ignored. I haven't been able to figure out how to move on. He broke my heart and I know that today his is broken too. I know that I should feel bad for him, but I'm numb to it...perhaps as a way to protect myself because I know that if I reached out to him again and he ignored me, that it'd hurt me all over again. Deep down though, I mourn along with him. I mourn for the loss of his friendship and I mourn for the loss of something that the truly loved without exception.

Deep breath, right? Let's think about something happier. I've been thinking about starting some seeds. I have a lot of seeds, pots, and three unused bags of garden soil. Seems like a good time to start looking at new life, right? I just have to decide if I want to do flowers, veggies, or a mix of the two. I think I have seeds for both. It'd help clean off my messy front porch and as things come up, it'd cheer up the space.

Speaking of cheering up spaces, I've been working more on the house. The bathroom is looking good. It just needs a couple touches and I've gotten through half of the living room. Sadly, my Dyson died, but Ben had gotten me a new vacuum (for use upstairs) for Christmas, so I'm not totally out a vacuum and this little Bissell is doing a great job. My goal is to finish the living room before Roger comes back in two weeks. Seeing the clean space has really helped keep my spirits up. My one big issue is not having enough room for books. I have a ton of books. The other problem is that there's nowhere to really store the things that I'm going to be getting rid of. I think once I get the freezer emptied and either moved out to the barn or sold, maybe I can stack the bags there. At least it's outside the regular living space. Eventually things will open up again and I can load up the car and drop it all off. No using things being closed as an excuse for living in a less than happy place. I'm taking today off while Ben and I catch up on some tv off the dvr. Tomorrow out next section of living room!


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