Monday, January 18, 2021

Weekly Update: Dramatic Week

 Whew...I'm almost glad it's Monday again after last week. I posted that I was a good girl and went and had my annual mammogram. What I didn't expect was to get a call on Tuesday saying that they'd seen something and wanted me to come back in for an additional mammogram on my right breast and an ultrasound on both. Eek! Honestly, this didn't freak me out too much...Okay, it did freak me out some. I can't lie about it...people who dealt with me read this...

I'd never been called back for both before and it worried me. I mean, cancer is a big scary word and I was hearing it a lot in my head. So, Wednesday I went back for the mammogram. It was a tough one. They applied a lot more pressure and had me standing in ways that no normal person ever stands in. After taking more images than my original mammogram, the technician put me back into the private waiting area while she checked to see if more were needed. I waited in there, fussing and fretting for 15 minutes before she came back to tell me that the radiologist wanted more. Oy. When it was finally over, I took about a hundred deep breathes and went to Walmart and bought clearance if I need more, right?

Thursday rolled around and I went in for the ultrasound. The technician and the intern were both really nice and we chatted throughout most of the ultrasound. I guess I became so used to being a "guinea pig/learning tool" while pregnant all those years ago that having a male intern in there was no big deal. It's all medical, right? Anyway, she did very thorough ultrasounds of both breasts and I'm not going to lie. Her silence while she worked on the right one freaked me out. Afterwards? Back to Walmart, this time to buy Dylan's birthday present. 

Then it became a waiting game. On Saturday the results of the mammogram came back and said suspicious and that a biopsy was recommended. That scared the tar out of me. Typical me, I made jokes with the few people I had told. They all knew though. They know me well enough by now. I had nightmares of ...well...not getting to be back with Rob or "the man" ever again or being physically rejected by them if I had to have a masectomy. Crazy stupid I know. 

Yesterday I updated my "if I die" file which is basically like a will and I sent it to Rob and to Justin so they'd have it. By that point, I'd calmed down and realized it was probably all nothing, but I guess I wanted to be prepared anyway.

Today, the results of the ultrasound came in and it basically says there's a whole bunch of cysts happening and they're probably benign. I'm waiting for them to call me to find out what the next step is. It could be the biopsy or it could be come back in six months and we'll look everything over again. Either way, I don't think it's going to be super scary bad news, thank goodness. I kept thinking how will I handle both cancer and diabetes when I'm struggling just to handle the diabetes. It's good that I won't have to. 

...and that was my kinda scary week. I'm so glad it's over so that I can take a long, deep breath and get back to regular life.


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