Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Drowning...

It's been one hell of a week so far and it's a bit sad because I'm proud of the fact that I'm even at my table writing this post. Let me explain...

On Sunday, I decided to tackle one of the totes from my office/studio because it kept falling over. I had no idea that it weighed as much as I did and as I attempted to lift it, I twisted my left ankle and wrenched my right knee. Being physically forced to slow down is hard when I'm so determined to keep making progress on this house.

On Monday, I received a message from a friend that mentioned another friend with a sad face. He had no idea that I hadn't gotten the news yet that our mutual friend had died that morning. I knew it was coming but somehow hadn't quite prepared myself for it. That's where the slow spiral ...no...more like the floor went out from under me started.

Tuesday brought the news that my oldest is behind in his classes and that my furnace, for about the billionth year in a row, isn't functioning properly. The first I can do something about. The second involves me having to clean my entire downstairs before I can let the landlord know. That wouldn't be a huge issue for most but it is for me. I'm still digging out from my hoard. Now, there's the pressure to get it all done and done quickly before the true cold weather hits.

All of this has added up to me feeling lost. As each bit of something happens, I'm pushed a bit further down. I'm fighting it as much as I can but yesterday and most of today found me curled up on the couch sleeping. It doesn't help that I'm not sleeping well at night but it's only this unbearable weight that has me stuck there. Today, with half an hour left before I have to go into town, I made myself get up and come into my office. I skimmed Facebook, played a bit of a game, and now wrote this. In a few minutes, I'll put my shoes on and go take my youngest to his audition.

....and maybe tomorrow I'll get off the couch and work on my book. I need to do that. I need to finish it and get it out into the world. I can do it. I really believe that. I can't do it from the couch though so tomorrow, I'm challenging myself to just one chapter. It's a little thing but it's a starting point.

Speaking of starting points, I do want to mention that not only am I still taking the two medications but I've added my third in this week, as well. I'm sticking with taking them, even through all of this, and I'm proud of that.

....and now, it's time to go be mom and to get that kid to his audition. Fingers crossed that it goes well. He wants this so badly and has been working hard toward it.


8 comments:

Crystal

I'm so proud of you for continuing with what you can do. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you physically heal quickly but I know the emotional fall is much harder to put a time limit on. *hugs* As always I am rooting for you and I hope things go your way.

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