Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Mamavation Monday: Healing

I'm a day late but I don't care. Isn't that selfish of me? I guess I don't really care about that either. What's important is here is my post. The date at the top or the bottom doesn't matter. It matters that it's here and I'm here.

Not only am I here, but I'm here and I'm healing. I just got back from a weekend in Canada and I honestly had no idea that by driving 14 hours or so round trip, my heart would start to heal. It did though. I just needed time with the people who really and truly love me, who accept me..all of me..and who I can just be with. I don't have to be mom or in charge or anything, I can just be.

Am I making any sense? Honestly, I'm not really sure. My thoughts are scattered today, but the one thing that keeps coming through my head is that I am loved. I know people tell me that all the time, but sometimes..just sometimes..you need to physically feel that. I had that this weekend. I was hugged on Friday. I was hugged so many times on Saturday. I was hugged on Sunday. I was hugged on Monday. Those hugs were a healing catalyst. They reminded me that I'm not alone in this world. All I have to do is reach out and people are there.

Not just any people, but my family. We all know that the family given to me by blood is ..well...not the healthiest thing in my life. With the distance and everything over the course of the past year, I'd cut off a piece of myself and locked it away. I'd convinced myself I didn't need this anymore. Being back with my family, the family I was blessed to have found during another period when I felt alone, woke up that part of me. I need that part of me. I need to be all of me, not just parts of me..not just the parts that people find socially "acceptable".

So while this post might seem disjointed, it's only because ...well, a part of me has woken up and I'm filled with huge amounts of emotion today. This time, however, it's not negative. It's..well like rainbows and sunshine are filling me from the inside out. I left a piece of me behind in Ontario, but what I brought back is so much more. It's as if each of those hugs came together to form some sort of...love shawl and I can feel it wrapped around me. It's holding me tight and it's keeping me safe as I heal from the damages that have happened.

I am so beyond blessed to have some seriously amazing people in my life and today, I celebrate being a part of life. Today, I am loved as I was yesterday and so many yesterdays before that. Thank you, my friends and my family for reminding me of who I am...and ..well, for making me human again. Thank you, Rob..for pointing out just how far I'd slipped. It was good to be home.

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