Mamavation Monday: Functioning Spaces

Image courtesy of clearsimpleliving.com

How often do you feel like this fellow over on the left? More often than not, this is just how I feel. I feel wrapped up in chaos. I walk into a space and my brain short circuits. "I can't deal with this. There's no way I can make this work." These are the phrases I've told myself. It's frustrating to walk into a space and not have the first clue where to start.

Today, I'm here to help with that. In fact, when I'm done, you're going to say duh and leave me some comment about how this whole post is pure common sense. I'm ok with that. I write for myself as much as I write for anyone out there who may come across this.

Since this is my handy dandy blog about weight loss, I'm going to focus on the kitchen as our space. Let's face it. Without an effective kitchen space, this weight loss journey becomes ten times as hard as it should be. I can't tell you how many times I've walked into my kitchen, looked around, sighed and turned right back around and begged Justin to order me a pizza for dinner. Why? Because somewhere along the way, I lost control. My house became something that you'd see on an episode of hoarders. Life overwhelmed me and it took me a while to get back to the point where I felt like I could start to take back that control. One of my first steps? Turning this...

Empty boxes, dirty dishes, groceries and more..just waiting for me.

Into this...

Cleared space combined with organized canisters makes me happy!

I walked into my kitchen. I looked around and I chose one space. It didn't matter what space. What mattered was that I got started. For me, I needed an area where I could at least make a sandwich or a wrap. Up until this point, there wasn't a clean surface for me to do anything. I won't lie. This process wasn't always the easiest. My kitchen sinks still aren't draining and there hasn't been enough money (and the house hasn't been in good enough shape) to get another plumber in. This meant I grabbed small totes and filled them with dirty dishes. Then, I lugged them into the bathroom and I did them in the bathtub. Was it fun? Heck no! Every time I wanted to give up, I went back into the kitchen and I looked at the progress being made. Want to know a secret? This whole counter...in the horrible condition it was in...took me less than an hour to make into a yay spot in my home. 

In less than one hour, I gave myself a clear space that helped me in multiple ways.  Every time I looked at it, it made me smile and when you smile, a little of the stress disappears. This weekend, for the first time in quite a while, I cooked dinner for myself and the boys. I actually had enough counter space that I could break out our new Foreman grill and I made us some burgers. 

So, who wants to know the secret of where to start? Anyone? I bet not. I bet y'all know it by now. The secret is that there is no secret. Take one space in any room or in any part of your life and just take babysteps. For me, it's my kitchen. My goal for this week is to actually have walls painted. Then, I will move on to my living room. We spend so much time in there and we need it to work for us. I will clean and reorganize. I will repurpose containers and I will even clear out a space for me to workout.

Life is hard but if we take it one babystep at a time, we can do anything.

Mamavation Monday : Stuck in my Head

For the past three days, I've had a song stuck in my head. At first, I didn't mind. It was an amusing little song and I wasn't doing anything that required my brain to work all that hard on anything else.

This morning, I woke up and the song was gone. I didn't mind because I have 2-3 blog posts that I write on Mondays and it's much easier to write when my mind is clear. Then, I answered my phone and someone..I won't name names though he knows who he is..mentioned the song. It was ok. It still wasn't stuck in my head..yet. Then, I asked him what he thought I ought to write about here because I was drawing a blank. His response? The name of that blasted song. Now, it's stuck in my head on never ending repeat.

Does this ever happen to you? Do you get something stuck in your head and you just can't seem to get rid of it? It happens to me quite a bit. It's not just songs. Sometimes it's a phrase that I hear over and over again. Sadly, that phrase is rarely something positive. It's usually..You can't because ...or Nobody takes you seriously...or What makes you think you can do.... Just like a song on never ending repeat, I hear those words over and over again in my head.

What makes it stop? I do. I've found that after a while, I get tired of the negative voices and I start an internal dialogue that goes something like this:

NV (negative voice): "What makes you think anyone will take you seriously?"
Me: "So what if they don't? They certainly won't if I listen to you and don't even try."
NV: "They're going to laugh at you. You'll be a big joke."
Me: "I'd rather be a joke than an unknown. We all have to start somewhere."
NV: "You should start by realizing this won't work."
Me: "You should start by being quiet. I'm doing this. I can and will do this. If I fail, then I fail. At least I tried. Nothing gets done by doing nothing."
NV: "Fine, but don't say I didn't tell you."
Me: "Fine. Now go away. I have work to do."

Yeah, it's not always the most adult conversations that occur inside my head. That's ok though. What matters is I tell negative me to go take a nap so that I can accomplish what I want to accomplish. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I may not be someone that everybody knows but I'm someone special to some pretty great people. I don't need to be a big name blogger to make a difference. I just need to be me. I just need to take those babysteps to follow my dreams. I can do this and so can you.

Mamavation Monday: Dark Times

It is with a heavy heart that I write today's post. Usually, I'm upbeat and insert humor into most everything I write, but today, I'm just not sure that I'm able to do this.

You see, I spent Saturday with my grandmother and she's starting to fade away. It breaks my heart and knowing what's to come makes me thankful for every moment of every day that I've had with her. I'm thankful that she got to know my boys and they got to know her.

Yet, I mourn for her already. It breaks my heart that I'll be losing a mother, my boys a grandmother and that the world will be a darker place without her vibrant spirit in it. The coming weeks and perhaps months will be hard. I will be spending a lot of it at her house, sorting through her things and helping her in any way that I can. I won't be around here as much as I have been.

It's with that knowledge that I know I have to make some changes. Something has to give. I'm not giving up this journey. She wouldn't want me to and it's a journey that people are starting to notice. My uncle noticed on Saturday and it made me feel good to know that it's starting to show, that it hasn't all been in my imagination.

So, my friends, if I'm not here for a bit, I hope that you know it's not goodbye..it's merely until next time. I will be back and I will be posting for as long as it's realistically possible. I will be stepping down from leadership, not because I want to, but because I can't dedicate myself to it the way it deserves to be. I hope that someone will step into my shoes and that the comment love team will continue to be filled with amazing women. I love this group and I love those who are a part of it. I'm not saying goodbye. I will be back as soon as I can be.

Mamavation Monday: Building Blocks

I honestly can't believe that it's Monday again already. The last week whipped by and here we are again. I want to start out by thanking those of you who read, commented on and shared last week's post. It was a very personal one for me and the fact that it touched others means a lot. This week's post is yet another post that only vaguely speaks of weight loss. It's far more about how baby steps and building routines are my current way of life.

You see, I spent a lot of last year completely overwhelmed and it got to the point where I basically shut down. I did the minimum it took to survive. I ate because I was supposed to. I took care of my boys because that's something I'd never not do. I was there for others because that's who I am. I let everything else go. This year, I don't want to live like that again.

January 1st always has a fresh start mentality for me. I can let go of what happened for the 365 days before that and look at life as a new canvas. It's a blank canvas and as such, I can add to it whatever I want.

There it is. My 2012. It's bright. It's clean. It's pure of all negativity. There's no depression there. There's no anxiety. There's just opportunity. Let me show you what my 2011 canvas looked like.

In it's own way, it's beautiful. You see lines of color, sections of beauty but overall, you see chaos. That was my 2011. It was chaos. I would have periods of time where everything would be coming together and then like in a Batman comic/show of old, something would go BAM! and chaos would reign all over again.

I don't want that for my life. So, for 2012, like a skilled artist, I will build the painting of my life. I don't care if this takes me the entire year. I don't care if it means that my house lies in chaos as I add in one small routine a week. In the end, I will have this:

Image courtesy of  The Johnson Galleries

Just like my home and the rest of my life, weight loss and fitness will come in stages. Right now, I am preparing the canvas. I am working through the mental aspects and adding in my water intake. Yes, I've been on this stage for a while but that's ok. It's best to do it properly versus rushed. In the end, I would rather do it properly and look like this (I already have the boobs! Just need to figure out how to get them up like that.):

Image Courtesy of Eric Basaldua

My other option would try to rush things. I could jump right in and workout 6 days a week. I could drink all the water I should be. I could make all the dietary changes I should make. I could do all that or I could starve myself to be "thin". The problem is..I'd never maintain the first one for more than a month or so if I tried doing it all at once. The second one? Well, we all know that's just not healthy and healthy is important to me. I want to be around to hang out with some of the incredible people I've met in the past year. I want to be around for my kids. I want to be around to enjoy the wonders of life around me. So, I'd rather do it right and be an EBAS (aka Eric up there) model versus do it wrong and end up burned out, used up and/or sick. Wonder Woman is far sexier than this:

Image Courtesy of The Walking Dead

So, welcome 2012, the year of building ...me.

Mamavation Monday : Light Bulb Moments

This is the battle inside my head on a daily basis. I know that I'm not alone in this battle. There are very few people who don't have that niggling little negative voice that pops up from time to time. Yet, over top of that voice, we hear a stronger voice that says I can do it. I can and I will and I am.

I'm going to confess right off of the top. This post isn't about weight loss by itself. It's about life. It's about your life. It's about my life. It's about a life of I can instead of a life of I can't. It's about how I, average girl, suddenly realized that I'm not just average, I'm amazing. I am me.

I've spent a lot of this new year in self exploration mode. I've sat back and I've looked at my life and heard all those little voices saying, "You can't have any better. This is what you have." I then looked at them and said you know what? To hell with you. I can do what I want. I can be what I want.

At the first of the year, I started a Facebook group. I never thought this group would be anything. It was just a group for a few people to work on cleaning and organizing challenges over the course of the year. As of this morning, that group has 78 members. We grew to that many in less than a month? Why? Well, there's the obvious that people need support and people can be messy and unorganized. There's another really good reason though. I believed enough in myself and my system that people signed on. Then, those people believed enough in me that they invited their friends. Now, 78 of us are putting our homes together one yay spot at a time. All because I said to myself I can.

Today, I had another of those moments. In May, I plan on attending a comic con in Phoenix. In February, I intend on applying for media passes to attend that event. I planned on this yet thought, "There's no way they'll accept me." Today, I said, "Why the heck not? I write reviews regarding comic books and other things. If I wanted, I could go on air at any point and share about this event."  I am on the media list for not one, but 4 different comic book companies. I may not be Barbara Walters, but I am media.  I can do interviews. I can take pictures. I can use my words.

A month ago, Ben had hamstring surgery on his legs. Last week, he kept complaining that his thighs hurt. It was a mystery until I realized he was having I Can't moments. He can stand up straight now where before he couldn't. In his head, he was still hearing, "I can't stand up tall." This was causing him to crouch which was pulling on those thigh muscles more than need be. I reminded him that he can now stand tall..and you know what? No more hurt thighs.

Our minds are powerful things and too often, we let those negative niggling little voices overwhelm us and we stop. We stop believing in ourselves. We stop moving forward. We just plain stop.

Today, I challenge myself and I challenge all of you. Tell yourself, "I can." I can stand tall. I can lose weight. I can be the best me there is because I am the only me that there is. I can be good enough. More than that, tell yourself, "I am."  I am an amazing and incredible person. I am.

For myself, I will be telling my negative niggling voice to take a hike while I fill my mind with:

I am awesome. I will go to this con. I will look amazing dressed in my costumes. Raven and Kate and Ross and others will be excited to see me and will invite me to events to hang out together. I may not color like Kate or write like Raven, but I am an amazing artist and writer in my own style. They are amazing and I am amazing and amazing should be together.

Edit: For the record, I am still amazing and so is Ross. He's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet and draws one of my favorite characters. He's incredibly talented and I didn't mean to leave him out above. Since I did, I'm making it up by telling all of you, if you have kids...go buy his comic. You won't regret it and your kids will love it. He's so amazing that I have a surprise coming up for him at the above mentioned con.

Mamavation Monday: Where am I?

Image from the U of VA 

Where have you been I wish some had asked. Where are you now I wish some would ask. The truth is..I did just what so many others who have been put in the spotlight with Mamavation have done. I went off the radar. I don't know why. I love the group. I love their support. I love what they offer. But, for some reason, I went off the grid. I haven't linked up a post in over a month, I think. Yet, nobody contacted me to say, "Hey, are you ok? Why aren't you posting?" ..and that's ok. I'm pretty sure the reason why is that I was given an "automatic excusal" due to what's happening within my family.

The truth is..I don't know that I want an out. When given an out, it's so easy to take it and by taking it, I stop doing the work that needs to be done. Ok, not totally. I am still very aware of what needs doing. However, when taking the out, I give up more than I gain. I give up that support. It's that support that helps me through those days when all I want to do is curl up with an order of fries (not fast food ones, real fries) and a milkshake.

So, this weekend, I put out the call on my Facebook wall. I flat out said that anyone who wanted to could kick my butt and push me to get back to what I need to be doing. Already, Megan has poked me about my water intake. I totally missed her doing it yesterday but today, I saw it and it's in my head as I start my day. Megan cares that I drink my water and she cares about me. I won't let her down. Motivation and accountability can go hand in hand sometimes.

This week, I have the same busy schedule that I always do. In fact, it's a bit more because I'm slowly adding in pieces. Last week, I added back in writing this post. This week, I'm adding in linking it and using one of the dozen water bottles floating around this house. Step by step, I'm getting my life re-organized and back on track.

Mamavation Monday : Back in the Saddle?

Art By Jose Cano

I've been missing around these here parts for a while now. The truth is that I had so much going on that weight loss wasn't anywhere near the front of my mind. I could make excuses but the reality is that I chose not to focus on it. I'm back though. Little by little, I've been putting things back into place. Last week, I focused on my other blog and this week, here I am. I'm adding this piece back into the rotation that is becoming the schedule of my life.

I don't have anything mind blowing to say this week. Then again, I'm not sure that I ever really do. That's ok, though. This site isn't about mind blowing, it's about reshaping ourselves into healthy and happy people.

Oddly enough, I'm doing fairly well with the happy part. I know that the new year is really more symbolic than anything more than another day but this year, I needed that symbolism to wipe away the negativity of the past year and to help me to refocus on areas I've been neglecting. I've recently started a group on Facebook...a group I thought would have about 5 people in it..and it's grown quickly to 75 people. I'm amazed and in awe that so many people are putting their trust and faith in me to help them this coming year.

In other thoughts, it looks as if I might be going to Arizona in May. Keep your fingers, toes and eyes crossed that this happens. It's been too long since I've gotten to go out there and I've missed it. Add to that, there's a chance I'll be attending the Phoenix Comic Con and meeting up with some fantastic people that I've met in the past year. This is where all the insecurities rise..not so much on the meeting up with these people, but on the what I'm going to wear side.

You see, I attended a con back around my birthday and saw people dressed up. In fact, my friend, Lauren, actually dressed up (and looked super great, I might add). I want to dress up. If we go, we'll have full weekend passes (though I'm hoping to score media passes) so that's multiple chances to dress up. Here's where I hit the brick wall. I've heard the comments about bigger girls dressing up. I've read the comments where people say if you're a bigger girl, your costuming choices are Fiona from Shrek or that marshmallow guy from Ghostbusters. Seriously. Ouch. I don't want to dress like that. I want to be sexy. The question is..Is it possible? Let's face it..comic book heroines don't look like me. They look how I look in my dreams. I want to be sexy but I don't want to be a laughing stock with people whispering how I'm about 100 pounds too big for whoever I want to dress up as.

It's something I'm going to have to do some thinking about. I may approach Kate..comic book colorist extraordinare and pin up girl hotness (she's not one, just looks like she could be) to see if she has any ideas. I'm hoping to lose more between now and Memorial Day weekend, but I need to be realistic. It won't be 100 pounds. I wouldn't mind hitting my next goal though..that's only 21 pounds away.

No numbers for this week other than the scale (which I still don't trust) .... 246.6. That puts my total loss at 45 pounds (assuming that scale is vaguely accurate).